I want to leave my man

January 03, 2017

Dear Pastor
I'm confused as to whether I should stay in or leave my relationship. I'm 22 years old and my boyfriend is a couple of years older than I am. We've had our on-and-off issues, but we always end up fixing it in the long run. However, I'm afraid this issue can't be fixed.

Honestly, I feel like Edna Pontellier in The Awakening. I feel trapped, not trapped in marriage, but trapped by my own feelings and emotions, and I just want to be free.

My boyfriend is in a good government job. He is a good man, but he has children. Of these three children, he is the biological father of only one, but he is in charge of the other two. The third child, who is about two years old, started calling him Daddy, and it is killing me. His babymother seems to always be a part of our lives, and that, too, is killing me. She calls him whenever, ask him to do whatever, and he just accepts whether or not it has to do with his child. Funny thing is that he is not willing to change.

I'm so tired of the constant arguments that are related to this situation and I just want out. I love him, but I just can't stand it. Every time I hear that baby call him Daddy, it pains my heart. Right now, all the children and their mothers are here, and I left the room they are in. The children's mother came with other persons, and I wasn't even acknowledged as his girlfriend. I just feel like I'm being taken for a fool.
What is your advice?
K. W.

Dear K. W.
Your boyfriend seems to be a very responsible and helpful type of man. That should not bother you. You should be very proud of that. He loves children and he is responsible for supporting three of them. Why are you so upset about that? The children call him Daddy and you are upset. Why? Are you concerned that all his money would go to the support of these children? Would he ignore you because of these children? I think not. I wish more men would love their children and spend more time with them. This man should be commended for what he is doing.

Both of you have problems, and instead of ending this relationship or trying to solve the problems alone, you should make an appointment to see a family counsellor for professional help. I do get the impression that you do love this man. However, you feel threatened, and you are suffering from jealousy too. Don’t be in a hurry to walk away from him. As I said before, seek professional help.

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