Don't wanna stop sleeping with my man's brother


February 16, 2017

Dear Pastor,

This is the first time I am writing to you, but I have been reading your column for a long time.

I am in my late 30s. I have two children. One is at university and the other is in high school. I had these two children for the same man, but we never got married. He always kept women with me, but that was the only problem I had with him. I used to fuss a lot, but I didn't need anything.

When I was in my teens, I worked with him. When we became lovers I went to live with him, but my parents didn't like it. But he took care of me and gave me what my parents couldn't give me. I got pregnant early and my mother loved my first child. I did not know a thing about taking care of a child, so I moved back to my parents and spent six months with them while I learnt to take care of my baby.

My boyfriend used to come and pick me up and take me to spend the night with him, and in two years I got pregnant again. My children's father has his own place that was given to him by his aunt. I enjoy living with him.

Then, Pastor, I met one of his brothers who lives in England. This man is really handsome and I fell in love with him. He caught me staring at him one day, and when our eyes made four, I tried to turn away and he stood there until I looked again. Then he said, "I feel the way you feel."

I began to question myself. I looked at myself as being nasty. How could I be living with my children's father and have feelings for his brother? It could not be real, but it was real.

Whenever this man wears tight pants and comes near to me, I get turned on. I had never cheated on my boyfriend before. The first time I kissed this man, I reminded him that I am his brother's woman, and he said, "Yes, but you are not his wife. We can still get married."

He is already married.

My boyfriend trusted his brother as a house guest. So when he was gone to work, we had a lot of sex until one day he almost caught us because we had just finish having sex. He came home for lunch, but that was something that he didn't usually do, and he told his brother he was going X place so he can accompany him.


My boyfriend's brother spent two weeks with us, and it was the most enjoyable sex I have ever had. Now when I am having sex with my boyfriend, I am just going through the motion.

I don't know how to get my boyfriend's brother out of my mind. My boyfriend's brother talks to me every week. I just know that my children's father would kill his brother if he knew that we were going to bed. I don't want to leave him, Pastor.

He has his wife, but he has invited me to England to spend some time there. My boyfriend says that I can go anytime I am ready, but I am not going because I want to know England. It is because I want to be with this man.

What should I do? My children's father doesn't have a clue that his brother and I are so close, nor do the children.


Dear D.N.,

I know that you are expecting me to say that you're a bad woman. That goes without saying. You talk about having sex with your boyfriend's brother in such a casual way as if to say that's nothing. You don't love your children's father. You became his woman out of need. You were working with him and getting help from him and then you moved in with him. You were not genuinely in love with him. What an awful shame.

And this man who came to Jamaica and stayed at his brother's house should have had more respect for his brother. Instead, he used the opportunity to have a grand affair with you. Both of you are shameless people. He has his wife and you are his brother's woman. To tell me that both of you could not resist each other is a lie. What eventually developed between the both of you could have been avoided.

This man told you that you are only his brother's girlfriend, you are not his wife. Couldn't you have used common sense to know that what this man was saying to you was only to get under your skirt?

What would you now do if your children's father tells you that he is ready for both of you to get married? Would you accept that proposal? You said that your boyfriend always had other girlfriends. Are you saying then that having sex with his brother was a way of hitting back at him, like the common saying in the Caribbean, 'bun fi bun'?

Shame on you and shame on this brother who lives in England. If both of you don't cut this thing out, both of you will be caught. It is just a matter of time.


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