I was molested by my father
I am a longtime reader of your column, and this is my first time writing to you. I am 26 years old with two kids.
I didn't know my father until I was in Grade Five and Six, and knowing him is the biggest mistake I have ever made in my life.
I was molested by this man who was to take care of me and to protect me. He started to pay me to keep my mouth shut and it was the only way I was going to get to go to school.
One night I decided to put a stop to it and tell his family. At the end of it, they all blamed me and turned their back on me instead of him.
I don't know how to forgive him and to forget about it because sometimes I think it is my fault and I tried to end my life.
Now I believe because this has happened to me, I make stupid mistakes like cheating on my kid’s father.
I have lost all hope in life. I get so depressed at times that I wish that I was dead. I can't even get a job to take care of my kids.
I need an advice on how to move forward in life.
I regret hearing that you were sexually abused by your biological father. He is a beast in human form and he should have been arrested, tried and thrown into prison.
I can understand how scared you were to expose him. He had warned you not to do so and was giving you money to keep quiet. What a dirty, wicked man.
I must tell you however not to blame yourself for what has happened to you. The adults in your home who blamed you for the abuse are arrogant.
They wanted to cover the sexual abuse. They did not want your father to be exposed, so they blamed you for what he did to you and for the unfortunate encounter.
Sometimes when relatives do not want such incidences to be reported, they blame the victims.
From the tone of your letter, I gather that you did not get any form of therapy. Therefore, you need to talk to a psychologist who would be able to spend time with you and help you.
You see yourself as being dirty. You are not seeing yourself as someone who is a wonderful creation of God, and that is why you have found it easy to cheat and you are not happy.
I suggest therefore, that you seek professional help. You have not told me what area you live in, but I will be quite willing to ask a psychologist or a trained family counsellor to meet with you.
You are not going to get over your problems overnight, but you should be willing to start receiving some help and you will learn how to cope much better. You are in my prayers.