My girlfriend is too loud and wild

February 28, 2017

Dear Pastor,
I am a 25 years old man. My girlfriend is 21 years old. I met her at a party. She told me she loved me and that she was from the country. She told me that she didn’t have anywhere permanent to stay. She said if she did not find a place to stay, she would have to go back to the country. She was spending a few days with some friends in a 'ghetto' area. It didn't matter what I did that night, she followed me around.

I was living with one of my brothers and a cousin. My brother was at the party, and he told me that I should deal with the girl.  My cousin told me that he wouldn’t come home until morning, so if I wanted to use the room I could.

I took her home to where we were living, and after we were finished having a good time, I could not get her to leave. She fell asleep. When it was morning, I had to hire a taxi and send her home. The next day she was at me again, so I found a place for us to live.

This girl is only 18 years old. She does not know how to conduct herself. She is brawling. I tried to tell her that she should not talk so loud, but she said that’s how she is. She does not have many clothes — only a couple of jeans and some shorts. I tried to buy her something decent to wear, but what I like for her to wear, she does not like. She can hardly read, but she does not show any interest in going back to school.

My brother and cousin are laughing at me now. They say I should try to get out of her life. I told her to go back to her friend in the 'ghetto' and I will give her money every week because it is costing me too much. Every week she wants money to do her hair and I can’t afford it.

One night she came to the place where we lived and I decided not to open the door. She was boisterous and cursed bad words because she believed I had a girl in the room, but I did not have anybody.

We can’t communicate and I can’t introduce her to anyone in my family because she is wild. She told me that her friends told her that she should join them on the street. I don’t want to see her become a street girl.

How could I get her to go back to the country where she belongs?

Dear M.S,
I suggest that you give up the apartment in which you now live and let the owner know that you are no longer responsible for the room. But before you give up the room inform this young woman that you intend to do so, so she should pack up and leave.
Your brother and your cousin should also know that you are going to return to live with them. They should not allow the young woman into their apartment because the relationship is over.
You cannot prevent her from doing what she wants to do, but if she is such an embarrassment, you should not want to be intimate with her. You made a very big mistake by getting involved with her. But you can forgive yourself by saying you were not aware that she was a wild girl.

Of course, you have yourself to blame. But when she told you that she didn’t have anywhere to go that night, you should have known that you have problems on your hands. She is an adult, and whatever she wants to do, she is free to do so. You do not have to be a part of her lifestyle.

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