Upset that my boyfriend got another girl pregnant

March 29, 2017

Dear Pastor,

This is my first time writing to you, but I am a regular reader of your column. I am 18 years old and my father is living in the USA. He has other children in Jamaica, but I don't know them. I heard about them and tried to contact them on social media, but they did not respond to me. My mother told me I should leave them alone. My father makes promises, but does not keep them. I don't remember how my father looks.

My father came to Jamaica and my cousins told me he was here. I tried to call him, but didn't get him. When I went to where he was supposed to be staying, he wasn't there. He did not make any effort to find me, so I never went back.

I was staying with one of my aunts. She has a son my age and he was trying to have sex with me. I complained to my aunt and she told me I am a big girl, so I should learn to protect myself. She never said anything to her son. So I took a kitchen knife and put it under my pillow, and I told him that if he ever tried to molest me, I will cut off his private parts. Pastor, I wasn't joking. I showed him the knife and turned off my light and went to bed. He said I was a madwoman and I told him yes. He never messed with me again.

I have a boyfriend. I gave myself to him. He is the first guy who I had sex with. I thought I was the only girl he had, but I found out that one girl is now pregnant for him and they may others. I asked him about it and he said that it was a lie. I love him with my heart, but my heart is broken. I'm still with my boyfriend. I'm giving him time to prove himself.

My aunt said I should leave him, but I don't want to leave him because he said that these girls are lying on him. He told me he would do DNA tests to prove to me that these children are not his. I asked him if he had sex with these girls, and he said he had sex with one of them but he did not discharge in her. I know that when we have sex he discharges in me, so how come he did not discharge in her?

Do you think I should believe him? Do you think I should leave him as my aunt suggested? Please for your advice.


Dear M.T.,

It is unfortunate that your father has not tried to treat you as someone special in his life. You have done your best in trying to build a relationship with him, but he has not reciprocated. That is indeed unfortunate. Your siblings have not responded to you, either. You will get along fine without them.

I must say that you are a very intelligent girl. You have handled the situation with your aunt's son well when he was fresh and out of order with you. Your aunt said what she meant. You did the correct thing by telling her what her son was doing. You told the young man that you would cut off his private parts and you showed him the knife. He never attempted to touch you again. Wise girl!

Time will tell if your boyfriend is lying to you. He has admitted to having sex with other women. He should be more careful. He should not have had unprotected sex with any woman, but as I said, time will tell, and he has promised to do the DNA test to prove to you that he did not impregnate any of them. You need to tell him that a man can get a woman pregnant even when he practises the withdrawal method. Sperm can seep through, when having sex, from his penis into the woman before he actually ejaculates.

Please let me hear from you again.


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