My husband cheated with my friend when I was sick

March 31, 2017
Rest is important

Dear Pastor,

I am 36 and confused. I have been married for 18 years. My husband is seven years older. We have one daughter together.

I became ill and went away to seek medical help. My husband was very good to me during my sickness.

He talked to me every day, except for the week I was hospitalised and the doctor restricted me from talking on the phone.

My husband was not faithful to me during my illness. He got involved with one of my female friends. She thought I was going to die, and although she had a male visitor, she found time to cook for my husband and sleep with him.

My daughter caught them having sex. She called my sister crying and asked her to pick her up. When she came, my daughter told her what she had seen. My sister asked my husband and he admitted it.

Every day my husband begs me to forgive him. I told him I would. But I didn't expect him to cheat on me. At first I could not stand to see him, but I have had more flowers from him than ever before.

 

HOPING FOR DEATH

 

What is hard for me to deal with was that my friend had sex with him and was hoping I would die so she could have him.

This girl has the gall to ask me if it wasn't better for her to help out my husband than for a stranger to get involved with him.

I told her I would have preferred to hear that he was involved with a woman I did not know.

Pastor, I should have known that this girl was no good, because the male visitor she had is another woman's man.

My husband tells me that I should not hate her because it is he who approached her for sex. But it hurts. It really does.

My daughter is not so close to her father anymore and she hates the woman. I told her that she should forgive her daddy because I have.

M.G.

Dear M.G.,

It is very difficult for a wife or husband to deal with a spouse who cheats. That was a very wrong thing for your husband to do.

You have forgiven him, but, understandably, you find it very difficult to forgive the woman who was a very close friend.

What makes you believe that she was hoping that you would die? You hate her, but your husband said that he was the one who approached her for sex.

She probably felt sorry for him and felt that he was in need of sex. She has destroyed the good relationship that both of you have had. I find her statement to be repugnant.

She is quite out of order to say that she believed it was better for her to go to bed with your husband than a total stranger. From these remarks, it is clear that there is no feeling of remorse for what she did.

Your daughter is a teenager. She would never forget what she saw. I can understand why she has not been close to her father anymore and I would like to suggest that an appointment be made with a family counsellor or psychologist for you, your husband and your daughter to go to for professional counselling.

It may take her a long time to trust her daddy. She might find it even difficult to trust men in general, and it could destroy any future relationship she might have with a man.

Pastor

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