My man has money, but he is uneducated

March 31, 2017

Dear Pastor,

I am a 30-year-old Christian. I have always wanted to marry, but couldn't find the type of man I believe was going to make me happy.

For about 16 months now, I have been going with a man. He is exactly twice my age. He was never married, but he lived with a woman for many years.

When I met this man, he told me that he was the run-around type. He told me this was the reason why the woman he used to live with left him.

He told me that his last child is a boy and he is seven. He wanted the boy to come to church, and he, too, started to visit my church.

Now, Pastor, here is my problem. The son that he has is very out of order. He lacks training. He does not know how to describe genitals.

Instead of saying penis, he says 'wood', and he uses the 'p' word to describe a woman's vagina. When I tried to correct him, he said he heard his father using these words.

The father says I should have patience with him and that he will change. His mother never corrected him, and she was vulgar.

I asked him if he uses these words in school and he said yes, but teachers always threaten to beat him.

Although this man has done well in business and continues to do well, his education is very limited.

Whenever I try to correct certain things, he said he doesn't have to have an education to do well because many people don't have what he has and they are educated.

I love him and I want to get married, but I don't know if I can marry this man, because he would embarrass me.

Can you give me some advice, please?

D.A.

Dear D.A.,

When you met this man, you must have seen something in him that attracted you to him. It was not his grammar because, according to you, he's not an educated man.

Pardon me, but I believe that you were attracted by his money. You knew that he could take care of you if you can accept with his ignorance and make him realise that he does not know everything, and that it would be in his best interest to go back to school.

You mentioned that his son lacks basic training. If you were to marry this man, you would have a task on your hand to teach this young boy how to conduct himself and, of course, to speak standard English.

That would be much easier than correcting this man, who is your boyfriend. It seems to me that you have found yourself in a rat trap and it is not going to be easy for you to get out, even if you were to try.

Too many young girls try to deceive older men, but they do so at their own peril. I am sure that you understand what I am trying to say. This man is quite correct.

Many people have done well financially although they have not gone to college. So trying to help this man now to change his ways is like throwing water on a duck's back.

I am not prepared to tell you to leave this man, but I am prepared to say that you should stop harassing him about the way he conducts himself.

If you love him, you have to accept him as he is, accept his child, and be prepared to teach him how to conduct himself. But you would have to do so in love.

Pastor

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