Haunted by my sexual past
I am 23 and I am writing this letter with tears in my eyes. I have been having sex from I was 12 because I was home alone.
There was no strong guardian to guide me. I slept with multiple partners and I am very ashamed of that, but I didn't have a choice. I did it just to maintain myself.
I try to tell myself that I was young and naÔve just for comfort. I didn't finish high school. I wish I did, though, but my parents didn't care either. My family is poor.
I can't find that peace in my heart towards my mom although we communicate very well. But each time I cry about the past, I blame her for not standing up for me. She didn't allow me to do what I wanted to do as a teenager.
I am a mother of one and it's really hard at times because I don't have anyone to help me with my child. I have to just stay home with him. I am unemployed.
I tried to attend classes but because of my son, I had to stop.
These situations make me feel sad and depressed. I am with a guy who can't do anything for me, but gets aggressive when he thinks that he is losing me.
This is stressing me out. I want to leave him because he is too jealous and insecure.
I need some advice. I still blame my parents but they don't know, because I never threw it in their faces, but I hate the fact that I didn't enjoy my teenage days.
You have not said whether the child's father and you are living together. It would have been good if you had also stated what type of work you are qualified to do.
Who knows, someone would have offered you a job.
You are 23 and having a child should not hinder you from seeking employment. You can send your child or take your child to a day-care centre, or leave him with a nanny who is responsible, and at the end of the week you pay her.
You became sexually active at a very tender age and as you look back, you regret getting involved with men so soon, but please do not condemn yourself.
Forgive yourself, because your parents did not give you proper guidance and wicked men took advantage of you. However, it is not too late to make good of yourself.
You can learn to empower yourself by having the will to do so. You need to go back to school.
Consider evening classes but, even before you do, make an appointment to see a family counsellor. Start going to church and ask the pastor's wife to help you. You need to associate yourself with good people.
At 23, you should attend fellowship meeting at church or youth club. These groups would help to build self-confidence.
The mistakes that you have made cannot be undone but with guidance, determination and faith in God, you will overcome the obstacles of life.
If you need further help, don't hesitate to contact me again.