My mother's husband wants to have sex with me

April 18, 2017

Dear Pastor,

I am 17 years old and I am having lots of problems coping at home. This started from I was 15. My mother got married to a man that I do not like. My mother and I used to get along before she met this ugly man.

The first time I started to dislike him and my mind started to turn against him was when I was passing him in the living room and he winked his eyes at me. I told my mother about it and she said that nothing was wrong about that. I told her that I did not think that was appropriate for a man to do to his girlfriend's daughter. She said how a wink can hurt me. I left it there.

Every time he came to the house to visit her I would go into my room or leave the house, and when he is gone my mother would talk to me about it and say that I should try to like him because he is in love with her and he treats her well. I told my mother I did not like him and I would love to go and live with my father. She told me I cannot go.

 

PRIVATE WEDDING

 

My mother started to sleep with this man and I told my father how uncomfortable I was. My mother did not tell me they were getting married. They planned a private wedding, and two days before the wedding she told me that they were getting married but it is private. She did not invite me so I did not go. I went into my room and cried. Then I went to see my grandmother on my father's side and she told me to come and stay with her for a while.

About 10 in the night my mother called me to find out where I was. I told her that I am with grandma and she said I could stay there. I did not know my mother would treat me this way because of a man. This man has lost his job so he is not working. He is home all day watching television. I can't live with my father because his wife doesn't like any of his children. He has three of us.

My mother and I used to talk about my going to university. Since she got married, I asked her about it and she said I have to work and put myself through school.

I know how I can get money to go to university. It sounds bad, but I will tell you the truth. A man she knows likes me and he will do anything to help me. I am not going to make her wise. I know my father does not have it to give me, but this man is a professional and I am willing to give him what he wants to get a break.

You may not agree with me, pastor, but my mother is driving me to this man and I rather to go with him than to have an affair with her husband.

H.R.

Dear H.R.,

Your mother evidently came to the place where she said nothing will prevent her from having a relationship with the man that she thinks love her and you complained about him. She could have handled the matter differently. She should have spoken to him privately and also in your presence. She should have warned him and let him know that she does not expect him to cross the line and become intimate with you.

When it comes to you, there must be boundary. You believed that he showed sexual interest in you and you were quite correctly informed your mother. It must be very painful to know that your mother was very upset with you that she planned her wedding and did not invite you. That is a big insult.

Some may say that you should just accept what your mother has done and try to humble yourself and learn to live in peace at the house with this man. But as I see it, the big problem is that you are fearful of this man. And it is better not to live in the same house with this man at all. He knows that your mother would not be on your side, and if anything should happen between this man and you, she is likely to blame you.

Your father and your grandmother should find a place for you to live. Concerning your university plans, and the man who is quite willing to help you, you feel that this is your best way forward. I cannot encourage you to become intimate with this man. But at the same time what I would suggest is that you tell your grandma and your father about this man's offer.

You know that this man wants to become intimate with you. There must be another way. Your mother suggested that you work and pay your way. I suggest that you try and get student loans and go on to university. I repeat, discuss the whole matter with your father and grandmother.

Pastor

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