My mother is driving me crazy

June 14, 2017

Dear Pastor
Keep up the good work. I am 19 and I live with my mother and two brothers. My mom is very ill so I have to dedicate myself to her.

I love my mom and would do anything for her, but she is ungrateful, ignorant, miserable and careless about my feelings.

My mom would go to the hospital like four times per week and I go with her on every visit because she is 39 and can't help herself well. I have never missed an appointment with her.

All her medications, I know them like the back of my hand. The doctors are amazed the way I know them and dedicate myself to my mom.

My mother has never trusted me from I was born. When I was in primary school I never attended any sessions there and if I was ever one minute late from school I would get a hell of beating.

Growing up, all I knew was beating, cleaning, arguments and disgrace. Most times the neighbours had to save me from a beating but I still got it in the night.

During my high school days it was the same thing. To make a long story short, now that she is ill and I am here taking care of her, even though she can move around, she always depends on me. She doesn't give me any space at all.

I have a boyfriend and she is doing everything for us to break up even though he's a nice guy. I don't go out, neither do I keep friends. She's like a baby; I can't leave her.

What puzzles me pastor, is that when she wants to visit her boyfriend, she has the strength to do so. However, she never has strength to help herself but she has the strength to have more than one man. I feel she is using me.

I am always depressed not knowing how the world is and how enjoyable life can be. I am stuck around her.

I signed up with the Youth Service for job service and I have my resumes ready to be handed in. I plan to move out because she is hindering me from making progress. I can't do anything without her permission.

My boyfriend lives with his parents, but they gave him a piece of land and he is planning to build his own house so he can live on his own. He has a good job, and I plan to get one too.

If I follow my mother, I won't get anywhere in life. My boyfriend and I have lots of big plans and every time I discuss these plans with my mother she discourages me about him.

It's been one year and three months since we have known each other. I love him and I have no doubt that he loves me too. We both know each other parents and we communicate well.
Pastor, am I making the wrong decisions? I have big dreams but I can't talk to my mom; she is too ignorant and her head is one way. I'm stressed. I am not making any progress because of my mother.

Dear N.S
I suggest that you pursue your goals and objectives, and that you do not allow your mother to discourage you.  Although, your mother has been very cruel to you, you did not rebel against her.

You have stayed home and obeyed her. I congratulate you for nursing your mother during the time of her illness. You are a good daughter and the good Lord will bless you. 

Your mother should encourage you to try and get a good education. Instead, she is discouraging you. Perhaps she cannot deal with the thought that you would have to leave her house and go on your own.

That might be bothering her, so she might be trying her best to keep you at home as long as you can.

You are puzzled because your mother from time to time has enough strength to go and visit her boyfriends. She must know that you are well aware what she is doing. You are not a fool.

She can try to fool you but you know better. She feels for male company sometimes, but she should keep one. According to you, she has more than one.

I hope that you are not planning to go and “shack up” with your boyfriend after he has built a little house on his parents land. Do not go to live with any man unless he marries you.

Be respectful to your mother, but go forward with your plans to join the Youth Service. I am praying for you.

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