In love with a man three times my age

June 30, 2017

Dear Pastor,

I am 18 and I am the first child for my mother. I don't know my father. My grandmother and my mother raised me, mostly my grandmother.

A year ago, when things got real hard, my grandmother saw that I was going astray and she had a long talk with me and said I should look at my mother and go in the opposite direction.

My mother has four of us, three girls and one boy, and to survive, she kept different men. She sells her body. As children, we knew what she used to do.

My grandmother told me that my mother never used to listen and because she is brown and has a good shape, she could get through life.

My father never owned me. He said he was not sure I was his daughter, because of my mother's behaviour.

Pastor, I started to have sex when I was 14. My boyfriend is 65. He is like a father to me. If I didn't have this man, I don't know what I would do.

 

GOOD FRIENDS

 

I took him to meet my grandmother and they have become good friends.

He told her that she shouldn't fret and he knows that he cannot be with me forever.

Pastor, this man didn't lie to me. He has his family in North Carolina. But, he has come home and is making plans for his wife who has two more years before she retires.

My grandmother asked him what will happen to me when she comes and he said he would still take care of me.

I haven't introduced him to my mother because she would try to get money from him. This man is fixing up my room, and is adding an inside bathroom to the house.

He went away for two weeks and I almost went crazy. I missed him so much. He is not jealous and he encourages me to go out with my friends.

I know it is not right to be with this man, but I have no choice. I had a guy who was 20 when I was a younger and he used to slap me when I didn't do what he wanted.

This man has never hit me and every holiday he gives me extra money to buy new stuff, and I always buy for myself and my sisters.

We have never had an argument. I told my grandmother that he is married and he admitted it to her. He doesn't want us to break up; neither do I.

Please give me your opinion.

S.I.,

Dear S.I.,

Right now, you are excited about this relationship. You believe that you are in good hands and it appears that way. However, this type of relationship must come to an end.

It will be difficult for you not to love this man and for your grandmother not to appreciate him.

She would do anything to let him stay. On the other hand, she is a smart woman and she knows there will come a time when you will have to bring this relationship to an end, especially if you intend to have a husband and children.

This man is preparing for his wife. She intends to return to Jamaica to live. You are not going to be able to see him as often. These are things you need to think about.

He told you about his wife and children. Whether you know it or not, he is preparing you to accept what may happen between the both of you when his wife is in the island.

If this man loves his wife, he will not have an open relationship with you. So prepare for him to either end the relationship with you or visit you infrequently.

You would be wise to prepare yourself for a separation between the both of you. Although I understand how difficult it would be for you as a young woman, and how happy you have been with this man, this relationship is not healthy.

So even before this man's wife returns to Jamaica, both of you can come to a mutual understanding and go your separate ways.

You have not said whether you are attending college. Whatever help this man can give to you to attend school, you may accept. But don't consider this relationship permanent.

Pastor

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