He left because of my dirty mouth

July 11, 2017

Dear Pastor,

I am writing you with tears in my eyes. I am a 28-year-old woman who was dating a man the same age. We were so much in love and he made me very happy and I did the same.

He was my everything. I went through hell and back so that I could be with him. My family didn't accept him because of our different backgrounds. They preferred my ex-boyfriend, but I loved him and wanted only him.

We had four years of relationship, and we had been through it all, good and bad. We did not cheat on each other. We are not the cheating type.

The biggest problem we had was with my mouth. I had a very smart mouth. A sailor's mouth that was quick to say anything and when we had small or big arguments, I would tell him the worst of things, even about his mother. That would hurt him and caused him not to talk to me for days.

I would call and apologise, and beg him to talk to me and I would promise I wouldn't act like that again, but I always did. One day we had an argument and I told him a lot of dirty words and he got so angry that he hit me. I was so hurt and upset that I broke off the relationship.

Nine months passed, and we were not talking and I wasn't seeing anyone because I still loved him. I became ill and was in the hospital so I called him and told him I had been hospitalised. He came to visit me. We became friends again and soon after lovers again. He told me that he was seeing another girl for five months while we were apart, but, their relationship has ended because we were back together.


Happy for change


Eight months later and I was so happy. I had changed my dirty ways.

Pastor, he has picked up some dirty ways. He became a liar and a cheater. I always see pictures of the girl that he was with and also messages. He told me that she was the one texting and calling himand that he's not calling her and I believed him. To my surprise, I later found out he was dating both of us at the same time since we had been back together.

I was so upset that we got into an argument in which he told me that he didn't love or care about me and I was not important to him.

Pastor, he has no idea how much that hurt me. I had two miscarriages for him and my parents stopped talking to me because of him. I gave so much to be with him. He didn't have to question my love for him. He knew I loved him, so how could he say something like that? If he didn't want to leave that girl, why did he come back into my life?

Was it just to hurt me? I am so hurt I can't eat or sleep. I've lost a lot of weight. All I do is stay in my house and cry and think of ways to end my life, and I blame myself because I knew it's all my fault.

When I try talking to friends or family, all they say is that I had a good man before but I wanted this man, so I should take what I get. No one knows how much it hurts. I can't get him off my mind. I feel like giving up on life. Please help me, pastor.

A woman in pain

Dear Woman In Pain,

You have admitted that you were not a very easy woman to get along with. You say that you love to curse and to verbally abuse your boyfriend. You said things that you ought not to have said. And when you cursed this man about his mother, it was enough for him to leave you. And that is what he did.

I believe that you love this man. I would not question that at all, but you did not respect him. If you had respected him, you would not have verbally abused him. No man wants his woman to speak disrespectfully about his mother.

It is very unfortunate that after both of you got back together, he continued the relationship with his new girlfriend.

He lied to you about her. He never gave her up after both of you were reconciled. It is difficult for you to let him go, but you have to. He is not going to forget the rough relationship that both of you had. He tells you that he doesn't care for you. He has not forgiven you.

To run after him or behind him like a puppy will not help you. He said he doesn't care about you. Believe him. Even if he comes now to see you or tells you that he was only joking, don't accept what he says.

Dry your tears, say your prayers daily, and if you're not working, go and seek a job. Ask God to help you to control your tongue, and when your heart is healed from the hurt that this man has caused you, look around for another man.


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