Married and very miserable

August 22, 2017

Dear Pastor,

I am writing you for advice that I can pass on to a couple who are having some marital problems, and it would help if you would give some verses from the Bible to support your argument. These are my friends, and they have been married for about 14 years. They are in their 40s. For the past 10 years, they have been living separate lives under the same roof.

The wife does her day job, five days per week. She then comes home in the evening and goes to a part-time job. She also works on weekend in the part-time job. Her life is centred on her work, and she does not socialise.

Her husband, who is a practising Christian, works five days per week. His life mainly consists of work, study and Christian activities. He is very active in his church. This guy and I are very close friends. We grew up in the same area. Privately, he tells me everything. He says he and his wife argue a lot. He is not happy. They sleep in separate bedrooms. There is always tension in the house and he has stopped wearing his wedding ring.

Recently, his wife's mother was visiting them, so he moved back into the matrimonial bedroom and he resumed wearing his ring. He said that he would love to get a divorce but, as a Christian, he would find it spiritually difficult to divorce his wife because the Bible speaks against divorce. He mentioned the fact that there are many people in worse situations than his wife and himself.

His wife seems not to care about the relationship because she is always out at work, and she gets home about 11 p.m. every night. I'm not sure what her views are about the future of their relationship, but she seems content to carry on as they are.




I've advised them that they should do everything in their power, including spending time in prayer and attending counselling sessions, but they have done everything, they say, and it's not working. What is the point of staying together and being miserable? It seems that there are so many couples who live under the same roof are just doing so for a show.

Personally, I cannot see how it can be healthy if two people are married but can't get along to remain together. What would you suggest?

Initial Withheld

Dear Writer,

I do not wish to be disrespectful to you; nevertheless, I need to tell you that you are not a marriage counsellor, so you should not try to behave as one. And you should not tell me that I should use the Bible to support my arguments. That is rudeness. You say that you need help to pass on to this couple you claim to be your friends. I doubt very much that what you are seeking is not suggestion for your friends, but for yourself. I could be wrong, but I don't think that I am wrong.

You know too much, and if you are not having an intimate relationship with this so-called gentleman and he is telling you all these things about his wife, he is not a good man. Good men don't castigate their wives while they are living under the same roof with them. You say this man and his wife have been praying and have had counselling sessions. Encourage them to continue to go for counselling. If you are indeed their friend, my suggestion is that you keep your nose clean. Mind your own business.


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