Afraid to try love again

August 25, 2017

Dear Pastor,

This is my first time writing to you. I am seeking a fatherly advice, since it doesn't seem like I have one of my own to talk to regarding issues like these.

I am living in the US and I have been talking to a man who lives in another country. At first, all was well; we haven't met each other as yet, but the relationship was growing and I was becoming attached to him. We communicated on a regular basis.

One day, things got sour when I asked this man for a favour. He read the message and he didn't respond. It was my first time asking him for such a favour. He became distant.

I was thinking that he was probably busy with work and all that, until he literally dropped the bomb on me. He told me that he was avoiding me.

This man is much older than I am. If there was a problem, I expected him to talk about it with me like two grown adults. I'm really looking forward to settling down soon, even though it's not a big rush. After hearing all this, I was a bit disappointed.

A huge concern is that this man has made it already. He has been married, got children, bought a house and all that.

When we communicate, if we are not talking about what took place during the day, we are talking about sex and what he wants to do to me.

The conversation doesn't entail anything other than sex. There are no future plans. We never spoke about getting married or even about getting children together.

I don't have any of my own and I am not planning on adopting anyone's children. Not saying that I wouldn't treat them as my own, but I would like to have children of my own one day.




One weekend, my friends and I went out. It so happened that my girlfriend introduced me to a guy. To be honest, I am starting to lose interest in the older guy.

I don't want to get sidetracked and rush into a relationship with this new guy, or put my expectation way up there and end up getting hurt.

I have been there before and to be honest, I don't think I have been healed from that. I was in a relationship for 10 years and I think that that relationship has changed me for the worse.

I will date a guy for a couple of days, and that's it. I don't get attached.

But with this new guy, I think that I am starting to develop feelings for him. He treats me well. We have the same interest. I enjoy being around him. He makes me feel alive and well.

He doesn't object to the things I want or desire. I'm not dating him for what he has, but he wants both of us to have a relationship.

I just need some guidance on this. I'm confused. I look forward to hearing from you soon.


Dear K.V.,

You did not say what kind of favour you asked of the gentleman. But this man should have told you straight away whether he was willing to help you or not.

I do not know your age, but I am assuming that you are over 30, and now you are head over heels with a new man. It seems to me that you love this man because he gives you what you want.

I can only urge you to be careful, because although you say that you do not love this man because of what he has, it does not seem that you are the type of woman who would hang around with a man if he is not in a position to assist you financially.

I wish you well. Be careful. You are getting older every day. Time to settle down. You wouldn't want to give people the impression that you are a playgirl.


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