Having an affair with a married man

August 25, 2017

Dear Pastor,

I am 19 and I graduated from a prominent high school. A few of us girls were branded as bad girls by people, including some of our female teachers.

But some of them couldn't talk to us because they were not showing any example.

We knew one of our teachers was married, but she had a man on the side who was a member of staff, and many of us knew that. The other male teachers used to call her names.

I saw one of my teachers recently and he was trying to make a pass at me. I told him that I heard that teachers don't make much money, so I am not interested in him.

I have a boyfriend and he makes much more than what he makes and can give me more than what he can give me. He said if I 'do a thing' my boyfriend wouldn't know. He said he used to admire me when I was a student.

My father stopped giving me money from I was in grade 10 and if it wasn't for my boyfriend I would have had to stop attending school, because my mother had to take care of my younger brothers and sisters.

I am her oldest child. I heard my mother cursing some bad words to my father and telling him that she was not giving him any more sex because it is his business to support me.

I met my boyfriend on the road. I was walking home in my uniform and he stopped and asked me why I was walking. I broke down and started to cry and I told him that I didn't have any money.

I asked him if he could give me a ride, told me to come in the car. From that day, we became friends. I told my mother about him and she said she wanted to meet with him.

When he met with her, he told her that he is married but his wife was away. She told him that he must not get me pregnant.

He started to support everybody, and I visited him and stayed overnight whenever I wanted to.

He had another girlfriend, but that was not my problem. The only problem I am having now is, his wife is threatening to leave him because of me.

I don't know what to do because I love him and I want the help to go to university. He is 41. I feel guilty sometimes because it looks as if I am taking away another woman's husband.

Please, tell me what I should do.

D.C.

 

Dear D.C.,

You started talking about your teachers and how they did not set good examples for you and your schoolmates.

You have made serious accusations of your former female teachers. I cannot say whether or not you are speaking the truth. What I can believe about you is what you have written about yourself.

I can believe that your mother has had a very difficult time as a single parent.

I can also believe that you met a man and that he has been assisting you, but it comes at a very heavy price, and it seems as if what he is doing is going to cause his marriage to be destroyed.

I would like to suggest that you should get yourself a job and work and help to send yourself to school. You can apply to the Students' Loan Bureau and pay your tuition.

You can also consider going to university part-time. I cannot encourage you to continue with this man, because based on what you have said, it seems as if you will destroy his marriage, and your mother would be just as guilty because she encourages the relationship.

Pastor

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