My wife does not like to have sex

September 04, 2017

Dear Pastor,

I am 23 and I am a Christian. My wife is 20 and we got married three months ago. I am having a problem with her. She grew up in a Christian home; I did, too.

Before we got married, she told me she never had sex. I had sex quite a few times with different girls, some in the church and some outside the church.

Men always say that they are not buying 'puss in bag'. And I was told that I should try a girl first before I marry her. Even my mother said that to me.

When I met my wife, she said she did not want us to try to have sex before we were married. She was very holy. Every time I touched her down there, she got nervous, and I backed off.

I took her to the store and I bought her an engagement ring. We decided that we would get engaged privately. I told her uncle about my plans and he told me to invite her to dinner.

Up to that time, I did not know if she was a man or woman because she did not give me a chance. So, that night, I forced myself on her by fingering her. Then I put on the ring.

We got married, but my wife does not like to have sex. I have to force her to have sex with me all the time and I am fed up. I think I want to get a divorce.

When I try talking to her about us having a baby, she says that she is not interested. I want to behave as a husband, and I want to have two children, a boy and a girl, or two boys.

But my wife is not giving me a chance. Should I leave her and go with another woman?

T.O.

Dear T.O.,

This young woman and you should not have got married. She was not prepared for a married life. Both of you loved each other, but evidently you did not have counselling sessions.

If you had sessions, your wife would not have resisted you. She would have known that it is something she should look forward to in a marriage union.

This woman had inhibitions and she did not know how to deal with them.

I want you to have patience with your wife and do not even think of divorcing her, at least not as yet.

Recently, I saw a couple on a show in the US, and this couple has been married for over two years and they have only had sex 10 times in the two years.

I doubt that Jamaican men would be able to deal with that. Jamaican men would try to have sex two, three times in one night.

In fact, their women expect them to have sex with them more than three times for the week, and if they don't, they are likely to accuse them of having affairs.

Your wife lacks knowledge on what sexual relationship is all about within marriage.

Something is radically wrong with your wife and whatever is happening has to be dealt with, otherwise the marriage will break up.

Wives have complained to me about the size of their husband's penises. But you did not mention whether that is part of her complaint. It is just that she doesn't like to have sex. Something has to be done to get her to appreciate it.

Could it be that you are partly the problem? Could it be that you are not a good lover? Are you rough as grater? Are you not romantic at all?

Remember, you took a virgin girl and you made her your wife. You probably need to spend much time with her.

I am not even going to suggest that you go and see a family counsellor. Perhaps you may seriously consider going to a sex therapist.

You may have to learn to appreciate her body and what you should touch to relax her. Perhaps she needs more foreplay. Make love to her, not just have sex. I challenge you, sir.

Take time to know your wife well. Part of your difficulty is trying to enter her and she has been having a hard time to go along with that. Learn to spend a long time with her in foreplay.

You should try to have her experience orgasm without penetrating her, and I am not talking here about oral sex.

Pastor

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