I want my babyfather to leave his wife for me

September 14, 2017

Dear Pastor,
I have two children by a man, a boy and a girl. When I got involved with him, I was 17 years old. I was living with my parents. I got pregnant the first time when I was 18. He begged me not to carry the baby. So I agreed to go to the doctor and to have an abortion.
My mother suspected that something was wrong with me, and she asked me what it was, so I had to tell her the truth. She did not know the man who got me pregnant, but he came forward and told her that he would take the responsibility but because I was going to school, I should have an abortion. He convinced my mother and me.
One year after, he got me pregnant again. By that time he got married, and his wife heard about me and she started to harass me. She called me “mawga dog” because I am very slim. It doesn’t matter what I do, I can’t put on weight. She told me I will never get her man.
When she first cursed me, I called my boyfriend and told him I was going to kill myself.
I had my baby and he took care of everything. His wife is fat and has a big bottom. So, one day she came to where I live and asked for me. The people didn’t know her. When I came out, I decided to curse her. I told her because her backside is too big, that is why the man has to come to me and find some pleasure, to make him feel like he is a man.
I peppered her with some words and the people in my yard told her to go away. When she was leaving, I told her that I am not going to leave her man. But pastor, I made a lot of mistakes, and I allowed this man to get me pregnant again.
His wife does not have any children. He told me that is why she is behaving that way.
This man hasn’t decided to leave me. I told him I want to go away, and my mother will take care of the children. Every time I tell him that I want to go abroad, he says that I am going to find a man up there. The only way I will stay here is if he leaves his wife and marry me.
Every time he calls me and doesn’t get me, he comes to our house looking for me. I don’t keep boyfriends with him. I am not hungry. I don’t pay his wife any mind anymore, but I want to be free.
I asked him how comes he got me pregnant so easily, three times, and he can’t get his wife pregnant. He says she is barren.
I could go away without letting him know that I am leaving, but I don’t want to hurt him that way.
I need your help in knowing what to do.

Dear H.J,
Your children’s father has created problems for you. He knew you were just in your teens, and he had a woman in his life. He should not have become sexually involved with you. He lied to you, and he is irresponsible.
He convinced you to have an abortion, then he got married and got you pregnant again. The relationship between the both of you should have come to an end, but you continued. You were old enough to understand that you were making yourself a fool. You could have said no to him.
Perhaps, this man’s wife had a wrong approach when she came to your house. But I suppose she was trying to save her marriage. She should not have verbally abused you. But I would not publish some of the things you told her.
This man is determined not to leave you. I suppose he feels that the relationship with you must continue because his wife is unable to become pregnant. He needs you around because of his children.
Would he marry you? He had the opportunity to do so but he didn’t. I suppose, he loves you because you are slim, but at the same time he wants his wife to have a big 'bumper'. I don’t know. You have something that holds this man. However, if you can get out of his life, do so.

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