Mother-in-law thinks I gave her son a 'jacket'

September 20, 2017

Dear Pastor,

This is the first time I am writing to you and I have a problem. I am 25 and I am living with my boyfriend. He is also 25.

We have one child together. We would like to have more, but we are waiting until we are married. We have paid down on a house together.

My father, who is a Church of God minister, doesn't like the way we are living. He gave me J$1 million to help us buy the house, and my mother told me that he has another million to give to us, but he is holding back because my fiancÈ and I are not married.

When I got pregnant, my father did not ask me to leave, but I knew that it was wrong for me to be living in his house and having a child.

My father spoke to my boyfriend and asked him whether he would get married to me and take the shame out of his eyes.

My boyfriend agreed for us to get married, but his mother told him that he should wait until the baby was born because I was a popular girl and the child doesn't have to be his.

When he told me what she said, I told him he didn't have to marry me. I told my father we will wait, but from that time I can't love his mother.

Many times she invited me to her house to have dinner, but I didn't go because I don't believe she likes me.

This woman is still trying to control her son. I earn more than he does, but she behaves like everything we have in this house was bought by him.

She bakes wedding cakes, and my boyfriend says we could let her make the cake for our wedding. I do not agree. We are hoping to get married on Boxing Day.

H.N.

Dear H.N.,

It seems to me that you are in a good relationship. You haven't said how long your boyfriend and you are together, but I have observed that both of you plan to get married.

You are purchasing a home together with the help of your father, and I suppose others. Now, that is very good. That is a major investment. Continue to work together.

You have a very silly mother-in-law. She made a very silly remark, but I am asking you to forgive her. She felt that she was advising your fiancÈ about the future and how careful he should be.

She knows that some girls play the field just like men, and many men have had to be supporting children that they thought were their biological children but are not.

I can understand how hurt you felt when your boyfriend told you what his mother said. He made a mistake by telling you. He should have kept that to himself.

Now that the child is born, evidently, she is a happy woman so she invites you to her house. You cannot continue with your man and have something against his mother.

It is much better for both of you to discuss it and put it behind you. At the same time, I see a danger.

Your mother-in-law may curse her son for divulging to you what she had said to him while you were pregnant.

She would most likely say that she did not expect him to tell you what she discussed with him in confidence. Have no fear, her son and herself will not be upset with each other for long.

After this matter has been discussed and settled between all three of you, show your mother-in-law as much love as you can.

Always remember that some men are very close to their mothers, in some cases much closer than to their wives. So, you be very careful how you treat or react to this man's mother.

Pastor

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