Lousy husband says I'm not 'tight' anymore
I am 43 years old and this is the first time I am writing to you, but I read your column every day. When I don't get to buy THE STAR, I borrow it from my neighbour just to read your column.
You have been doing a wonderful job. I am married and I have five children. My husband took me out of the church. I used to sing on the choir. He came to the church as a sheep in wolf's clothing.
I was a virgin and he started to invite me out. He was working and living alone. Sometimes after church, I would go to his house and cook his dinner and wait until he got home. I was living with my grandmother and she would leave me and go home after church.
She started to warn me to be careful. I got pregnant and gave birth to twins. We got married, and now I have five children. This man is treating me like a dog.
When I met him, he could hardly read. I spend time teaching him how to read. After we got married, we went back to church and we walked forward and rededicated ourselves to the Lord.
He has now become a 'turn back' Christian. I have to quarrel to get him to go to church.
He has a girlfriend and she wants to take him over. We had a quarrel about it and the things he told me were so disgraceful; and he said them before two of our children who were at home.
He said I am 'stretched out' and I don't have any use, but he can get young girls and I can't do anything about it.
Pastor, this is the man who knows everything about me. I was never a 'runabout' girl. I told my pastor what I am going through, but he cursed off the pastor and said I can go and live with the pastor, he doesn't care.
How can I continue with a man like this? Pastor, you always tell girls to get a job and to study and get a skill.
Since this man told me how I am big and stretched out, I have been sleeping in shorts. I don't want him to touch me. We sleep head and tail. It is because of my children why I am reluctant to leave him.
Please give me answer.
This man clearly has no respect for you. Speaking frankly, he is nothing but a fool and he needs to apologise to you. He is verbally abusing you.
Old people say "wah sweet nanny goat agu run him belly" His girlfriend has made him into a fool. He has forgotten how good you were to him in years gone by.
He has not remembered that there was a time he could not even read, and you have been good to him. No man should disrespect his woman at all, and especially before their children.
If he felt, and I stress the word 'if', that you need to tighten up a bit, he could have said it to you privately and respectfully and encourage you to see a gynaecologist.
On the other hand, this whole thing about you being 'slack' and 'big' might only be in his mind; nothing is wrong with you.
When some men are having affairs and they are spoken to by their wives, these men usually curse them and tell them about their private parts. These are ignorant and stupid men.
Both of you are now sleeping 'head and tail'; that cannot go on. You should insist that both of you go and see a family counsellor.
If he refuses to go, you should try and get your pastor to come to the house with one of the elders. The pastor should not come to your house alone.
If he refuses to listen to them, you should seriously consider going to see a lawyer. But I hope it will not come to that.