I aborted my cousin's baby

October 13, 2017

Dear Pastor,

I am a regular reader of your column. I am a Jamaican, but I live in the UK. I am married to a foreigner and I love my husband, but I would love to return to Jamaica. My husband is not willing to leave his homeland. Sometimes I wonder what it would have been like if I had married someone from beautiful Jamaica. My heart is still in Jamaica.

My husband does not know the truth about me, but I will tell you a secret. After you publish my letter he may see it, and it would not be a secret anymore. Before I left Jamaica, I was having a relationship with a man. I did not know that we were related. He got me pregnant, and when I told my parents who got me pregnant, my mother told me that he was my cousin, so I could not carry the child. I had an abortion. I have never gotten pregnant again, but I have spent a lot of money trying.

My husband has two children from a previous union. He said I am more than children to him. Sometimes when I look back in my life, I am sorry I had the abortion, although the father of the child would have been my cousin.

 

DONE WITH CHILDREN

 

I earn a good salary. My husband and I have our own home, but what is missing in my life is a child. I am too old now to have one. My husband is not interested in us adopting one. He said he is done with children. I have helped my nieces and nephews to go to school, and I even helped my sister to purchase a home in Jamaica.

My husband thinks that Jamaica is too violent. If you see me, you would not know that I am 55 years old. I look young and fresh.

Pastor, tell all the girls not to have abortion and to check out the guys they are having sex with. I did not know that I was having sex with my cousin, and it has messed me up for life.

Keep up the good work.

H.E.

Dear H.E.,

Do not allow the mistake that you have made when you were very young to haunt you until you die. It is unfortunate that you got pregnant by a man who is your cousin. Some may say that you should have carried the pregnancy.

Your parents thought it would have been a disgrace to have that child. They thought they were protecting you and saving the family from being condemned by those in the community who knew that you were related. Perhaps, too, they were thinking that because you were family, you would not have had a normal child. So, they thought the easiest thing to do was to terminate the pregnancy. But, by doing so, you have had to carry the feeling of guilt all these years. And the guilt is strong, much stronger now because you haven't been able to get pregnant again.

I have counselled many women who have had abortions and never got pregnant again. Some have had abortions, and have become pregnant again and again. But I remember counselling a young lady who had gotten pregnant when she was in her teens. Her mother insisted that the pregnancy should be terminated, so they did. And when that girl came to see me, she wept uncontrollably and kept saying, "I want my baby, I want my baby."

I also remember counselling a young woman who aborted six or seven pregnancies. And it seems as if she was quite comfortable not carrying these pregnancies.

I am glad that you have been able to assist many of your relatives, and I hope that you will continue to do so.

What you have done is in the past. Focus on your future. Love your husband's children as if they are yours. Love your nieces and nephews the same way. You have chosen to live abroad, although you still love Jamaica your homeland. The love you have for Jamaica will never die. As often as you can visit, do so.

Bye, for now.

Pastor

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