Slept with my man's friend after he paid my school fees

October 31, 2017

Dear Pastor,
I am 20 and I am attending a tertiary institution. My parents have tried to support me, but I also have a boyfriend who promised to help me.

I told him that I was having challenges in paying my fees. He promised to give me half of it. Whenever I reminded him, he kept saying he hasn’t forgot; I should give him more time.

But time was going and the fees had to be paid. He has a friend who became my friend also. I was talking to him about my plight and he asked me how much I owed and I told him.

I didn’t ask him for help, but before we said goodbye on that evening, he asked if he could see me the following day, he would give me some money.

After my class in the morning, I called him and told him that I could meet him so he should tell me where.

He gave me an envelope and told me he had to go back to work. In it, pastor, was $100,000. I broke down and cried. I was able to pay my fees. I didn’t tell my boyfriend anything. 

Every time I thought about the guy who gave me the money, I wondered what he had in mind. For a whole month, he didn’t call me but I called him just to say hi.

At the beginning of this month, I called him and asked him what his plans were for the holiday. He told me he was just going to cool out at home. 

This guy lives alone. I asked him if he could use some company and he asked me why. I told him I would love to see him.

He asked me about my boyfriend and I told him that he had to work. He said he could use some company during the day because he had promised to see his girlfriend at night.

I went to his place and I helped him cook and we ate. He did not ask me for sex. 

I went behind the chair, hugged him and kissed him and unbuttoned his shirt. We had sex on the couch.

I knew that I was taking a risk because he did not even have a condom and he told me so. The sex was enjoyable. I know you wouldn’t agree with me with what I did.

But every time he felt as if he was about to ejaculate, he pulled out and started again. Finally, he discharged. I went to the bathroom and cleaned up. I felt good. That was my way of paying him back for what he did for me.

He told me that he loves his girlfriend and that was the first time he was cheating on her and I believed him.

To be on the safe side, I took the morning after pill. I hope it worked. Do you think that my boyfriend has another girl?

He makes enough money and he can help me better. I don’t pressure him because my parents are still assisting me. My parents are throwing a partner to help me pay my next tuition.

Do you think I was wrong to offer myself to this guy? 

Dear E.W.,

I am not going to call you bad. I think you are a big risk taker. You went to this man’s house unarmed (without condom) and you knew even before going that you wanted to have sex with him.

While I will not condemn you, I would ask you not to continue to be intimate with this man. You know that he has his girlfriend, don’t come between them.

Work hard in school and anytime it is possible for you to do a part-time job to help yourself, do so. Don’t go back to this man’s house because if you do, you are going to be tempted to go to bed with him.

I wish you well in the future. 

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