I cheated, and now my man has another woman

November 08, 2017

Dear Pastor,

I've been with this guy for almost three years and I love him a lot. He lives abroad; I live here in Jamaica. We both have one child each from previous relationships and have spoken about wanting a family of our own.

At the beginning of the new year, we hit a rough patch in our relationship, and I started to sleep with someone else. That happened for about six months. That person and I are not together anymore. He has gone back to his ex-girlfriend. My partner was also seeing someone else, but he claims that she is trying to help him so that he will be able to travel to and from the country, and that he can get to spend time with his son, my son and me.

He claims that the woman that he slept with got caught up with him, and she has developed feelings for him that he has no control over. He says that my son and I make him happy. We constantly argue over this girl because sometimes I feel like he wants to be in a serious relationship with her, and he is just having me around because he still loves me.




I recently came back from seeing him abroad, and majority of the time we fought because she would call and text him, and I would just get angry at him. Family members and friends are saying that I shouldn't waste three years over something that is minor, as they can see that we are in love with each other. I cry myself to sleep at times, because I feel like it's my fault why he has gone to her. I feel that if I never neglected him, we wouldn't be in this position and I wouldn't feel the way I feel.

My mood has gone right down because this is constantly on my mind. Shall I stay or shall I go?

Please, help me.


Dear J.,

I think you are making a mistake by blaming yourself for the conduct of this man. It is true that you cheated on him, but according to what you said, he was not treating you right and he forced you to seek love elsewhere. He was already having a good time with someone else.

I am not saying that what you did was right, but what he did was not right, either. Why was he ignoring you? Perhaps he was doing so because he wanted to have a fling. Now both of you have tried to patch things up and what he is telling you can only be described as rubbish. He says that the girl is holding on to him. I want you to tell me which girl can hold on to a man if the man wants to leave her? I will answer my own question. The answer is none.




He wants to stick with her because it is his wish for him and the young woman to get married so that he can gain legal status in North America. It has nothing to do with you, and you would be a fool to believe what he is saying. You have no guarantee that he would divorce this woman after they have gotten married. What is so special about you why this man will marry a woman, then divorce her and come and marry you? He is fooling you.

This girl knows about you. Can you imagine what he is telling her? You may make your own decision whether you should continue this relationship, but don't put your confidence in this man. It is unlikely that he will ever marry you. He likes to know that when he is America he has a woman, and when he is in Jamaica he has another woman.

You have to learn to forgive yourself for playing around and for the mistakes you have made. Try to find a man and stick with one man. Make sure that man is a good man. It is not a small matter as your relatives have told you. This man is using you. It would be unwise to put your confidence in this man who is talking rubbish.


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