I feel like I'm a failure
I am a university student currently in my final year. I think everyone is proud of me, at least they say so, but I am not proud of myself.
I feel like I cannot do anything right or I'm always failing at whatever I do.
My grades have not been the best and I believe it is largely due to how I am always feeling. I am always feeling stressed in every aspect of my life.
I have never been able to make friends and let's not even talk about boyfriends. My relationship with my parents is basically nonexistent and the same for my siblings. What is wrong with me?
Since recently, my feelings of hopelessness have increased to the point where I have been contemplating suicide. I feel isolated, bitter and tense.
Even if I do find something to feel happy about, it only lasts for a few minutes. My stress level has increased over the past few months and it is largely because I am currently unable to pay some of my tuition which would mean I won't be able to complete my final exams.
I have sought assistance from various persons which of course has proven futile because all I'm getting are empty promises. Family members say they are unable to assist and I am unable to get a job.
I have been asking myself if this is some kind of sign that I should just stop where I am because this is not for me; all the avenues I turn to are empty.
It's like I'm always being served nothing but emptiness at life's table. I have sought help from a counsellor at school but to be honest she only made me feel worse so I have stopped going.
I have tried praying but I feel as if God has screened my calls. I tried talking to people but then they start comparing themselves to my situation as if they are basically saying my issues are not valid.
I cry, but these days I don't even feel the tears. I sleep a lot. These days I even feel as if somebody is in the room with me laughing and mocking me.
Pastor, I am drained, I am tired. I don't think anybody deserves to be feeling like this every day of their lives. I am unable to focus.
I do not know what I'm doing with myself. I don't feel as if I'm living; I feel like I'm just passing through aimlessly.
You have been facing some trials and perhaps you feel overwhelmed, but I want you to know that you have done very well.
You have gone through high school and you have made it to university and you are in your final year.
Do you know that there are many young people who would have been happy to be in university? That was part of their dream, but they were never able to get there.
They were not qualified to go, but you were and you are in your final year. You have much to give God thanks for.
You do not think that you have done well, but others know that you have done well and they are proud of you. It is time for you to stop beating yourself up and work on your self-esteem.
You can accomplish whatever you wish. If you look at life with a positive attitude, you would find that you would not feel as stressed as you are now.
You must find time to socialise, rest and meditate to help you beat stress. I know you are having problems finding money to pay bills or to do the things that you would like to do.
Comfort your heart with the thought that you would soon graduate from university.
It is never good to consider yourself a loner. So, try to have a good relationship with your parents and your siblings. And above all, see yourself as the greatest.
No one can stop you from accomplishing your goals. Dress well. Eat a balanced meal and exercise.
Take time to pray and engage yourself in some type of social work and remember it is always better to borrow than to beg. Therefore, if it is possible for you to borrow to pay your school fees, do so.
You have my prayers. Let me hear from you again.