Can't let go after 20 years

November 27, 2017

Dear Pastor,

I have been reading your column since I was a child and I still read it. However, today I am asking you for your fatherly advice. When I was 15 years old and in high school, I met this guy. He was a sweetheart. However, I broke up with him because I thought he was cheating, although I didn't have any proof. I was young and stupid; we were only a year apart.

A couple months after we broke up, I realised that I missed him and wanted to get back with him, so I wrote him a letter and told him I was sorry. However, he wrote back and told me that he was not interested in me anymore. And I can understand, because I broke up with him on a day that he would always remember. I really hurt him.




Over the years we have remained friends even after he got married. Although time has past, I still feel that I want to be with this guy. It has been over 20 years and I have kept his cards and letters. I wonder if he still cares about me, because a couple of times we have linked up and we kissed, but we didn't have sex. I told him I am now a Christian, so I wouldn't date someone who doesn't share my beliefs. I have dated other people, but for some reason I am still hung up on this guy. Honestly, I don't know if this is true love. I think I just miss the way he treated me, because no one has ever treated me the way he did.

After 20 years, I think I am finally getting over everything. I have reasoned with myself that people change. When we dated, we were both kids, maybe his personality has changed. Although I said that I have moved on, I refuse to throw his stuff away. He is not married anymore; he has a girlfriend and I wouldn't want to come between them. A lot of stuff have happened in my life. I have made a lot of mistakes, but I know God has forgiven me. This guy knows that I care about him because I have told him, but he thinks that after 20 years, I should get over it and seek help. But I am too scared to meet with a counsellor. Therefore, I am writing to you for advice. Do you think I should really throw this guy's letters and stuff away and just forget him? Thank you so much for you advice.



Dear N.H.,

This man sees no future between the both of you and that is why he has reminded you that whatever the both of you had going together was 20 years ago. Therefore, it is time for you to move on. He is not thinking of renewing this special relationship with you. It died 20 years ago. He got married and he is single again, but he has a new girlfriend.

If he wanted you back in his life, he would have contacted you and asked you how you felt about both of you becoming lovers again, but he didn't. He got involved with another woman.

I am glad that you had become a Christian. You have to trust God to give you a good man. These letters and postcards you have from this man would only remind you of the past and they may even cause you to feel depressed. If you know that you are keeping them for a particular reason, then you may hang on to them. But, I believe that you would be doing yourself much good by burning them.

I assure you of my prayers. God bless you. Everybody makes mistakes. Forgive yourself for the mistakes that you have made.


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