Thinking about suicide
I hope you're in good health. I am a 23-year-old mother and I'm writing to you because I do not have anyone that I can talk to about the issue I'm facing.
I have a small job and my salary is very meagre. My daughter's father takes care of her financially. I want to rent a place for myself because my family members and I do not get along well.
There is unnecessary quarrelling every day. I want to get out of it, but I just can't because of financial difficulties.
I've been struggling with depression for a few years now. Sometimes I think about committing suicide just to get out of the struggles, but then I remember that I do not want to leave my child behind just like that.
I used to read my Bible and pray very hard, but for the past few months, I sort of gave up praying because it's as if things are getting worse every day.
Sometimes I lock myself away, refuse to eat and cry myself to sleep at nights. It's very hard.
I think about seeking counselling but I don't know how to go about doing that or who to turn to. I just want to feel better and be there for my little child in every way.
Pastor, I really need help, please.
Thank you for your consideration.
Dear Initial Withheld,
Let's start by talking about your depression. You are living with your relatives. You are not getting along well with them, but at least you have a place to live and you have to give God thanks for that.
Unfortunately, not all relatives get along. You say that your pay is very small, so you are not able to rent a place and live on your own.
If your child is living with you and you are working, at least your relatives could give an eye on her.
If you lived on your own, you would have to pay a helper or put the child in a day care centre while you are at work. And then the father may challenge you in court for custody.
You say you have been praying and now you are giving up because you do not feel that God is responding to you.
So many people believe that the time to reach out to God is when they are facing emotional and psychological problems. they are looking to God to solve their problems immediately and to do whatever they are asking Him to do.
It does not work that way. God is not to be used by anyone.
You should not stop reading your Bible and you should continue to pray. But you should do more than that.
You should attend church and seek the fellowship of God's people. Whatever you know you shouldn't do, you should stop doing it.
There are many churches that offer counselling. Contact your church and ask whether your church offers counselling and make an appointment to see the counsellor.
You may consider calling the Family Life Ministries to make an appointment. You may have to pay to meet with a counsellor, but it would not be exorbitant.
Everybody gets depressed from time to time, but when it becomes chronic it is a cause for concern. Evidently you are at that stage, judging by what you said. So, you need to seek help early.
You speak about committing suicide, so I gather that whatever is happening at the house is serious. Suicide is not a way of escape.
Seek answers to your problem and do your best to take care of your daughter. Thank God you have a job. The pay might not be good, but it is better than nothing.