My mother doesn't love me

December 13, 2017

Dear Pastor,
I'm having a problem with my mother.  I live in the US and my mother has a boyfriend who lives in Jamaica. Everything was going well between them.

I even liked him, until I found out about two months ago that he has been married to a different woman since March.

My mother and my stepfather were dating. He then came to the US and told her that he was going to get married to his old girlfriend.

My mother tried to convince him not to do it, but he did it anyway. I noticed she was depressed all the time and we tried to cheer her up, but nothing worked.

I was upset, so I told my mother that she shouldn't talk to him anymore, but she continued.

I hurt my neck one day and I had to stay at her house for a week. The last day I stayed there, I overheard my mother saying that she believed that obeah made her ex-boyfriend get married.

I told her if it was obeah, it’s not true, because obeah is not going to make a person sign papers, stand in church and say “I do”.

I don't care what she said, but I don’t believe it is obeah. I cried that night to my friend, and I told her not to tell anyone because I didn't want to upset my mother.

The following day my mother and my aunt had a fight and my aunt brought up my name, saying that I was crying the night before and my mother should find out why I was crying.

My mother came home and cursed me for the whole week. I cried and told her that I knew that she didn't love me because her husband had hit me once and she didn’t do anything about it.

She kicked me out saying that I was getting smart. She told me to get out of her house and not to return. I started to pack my things to leave and she cursed me all the way to the door.

The neighbours starting saying things and she told them to mind their own business. I said to her, "at least they are not messing with someone else's husband", and that made her mad.

We didn't talk for three weeks. My grandfather died and that forced me out of hiding and to attend the funeral. My mother hugged me at the funeral, but she didn’t apologise to me.

I really feel in my heart that she doesn't love me. I always think about her and wonder if I didn't grow up if she would still love me like she does her other children.

After a year, I found employment, and I thought I would be happy, but she doesn't believe in me. She never did. I'm depressed over it every day, and I don't know if I'll ever have a mother again.

She will always think that I'm not good enough. And, she has always put men before her children, especially me. I pray and pray, but I'm tired; I don't know what else to do. Sometimes I wonder if she will ever change.

Please, help me. Thanks in advance.

Dear Depressed,
You did not give your age, but I am assuming that you are in your late teens or older. One thing I know for sure is that you come from a dysfunctional family.

You do not respect your mother and your mother doesn’t respect you. You have made it very clear that she doesn’t love you and it appears that way from what you have said.

You should not be living in the same house with your mother, so I am glad that you are on your own and turning your own key, so to speak.

Your mother knows that the man with whom she is has an intimate relationship is married and he is surely not interested in having her as his legal wife.

He may carry on an affair with her, but that’s where it stops. There is no good reason why your mother is still hanging on to him. Perhaps he gives her money often and she feels that if they were to break up that money would cease.

Work on yourself. Call a family counsellor and make an appointment to see him/her. Call your mother sometimes, but don’t discuss anything with her about her man.

Pray and ask God to make you strong and to give you peace of mind.


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