Afraid my church will find out that I am pregnant

December 21, 2017

Dear Pastor,
I am 21 years of age. I have a boyfriend, and we are Christians. I attend a Sabbath church, and he attends a Sunday church. Sometimes he comes to my church. He promised me that when we get married he would attend to my church. My stepfather does not like him, and he said that he is too black.

My problem is that we have been doing something that is wrong in the sight of God. We have been having sex. Both of us want to stop, but it seems the more we try, the more we do it. I love him, and he loves me too. Now it is too late as I am pregnant with his child, and I don't know how to tell my mother and stepfather. I know that if I were to tell them face-to-face, they would beat me, especially my stepfather. He curses me a lot, and hits me whenever he sees me with my boyfriend. He says he does not want me to have any boyfriend. However, I think I am old enough to make my own choices.

My boyfriend and I think that we should get married before my belly starts to show. He is building a house in the country, and we are going to live there.

I miss my church, and I am ashamed to go back there. I am wondering if I should tell my pastor. I am ashamed. I am the youth leader in my church and I should be setting an example. Help me, pastor, please. Sometimes I tell my boyfriend that I am going to kill this baby. He tells me not to as I would be sinning even more, and that it would be better to have this child and go back to church. He says that I should not care what others want to say.

Pastor, I need your advice. Please help me.
T. J.

Dear T. J.,
I regret hearing that you are pregnant. However, I want to encourage you to go back to church. Yes, you may feel embarrassed, but it is better to call your pastor and inform him about your pregnancy. It is better to do so before someone tells him. At least he would give you some spiritual guidance. No one should condemn you for what has happened, but some will. Always remember that God is a merciful God, and he has never ran out of mercy.

Your stepfather is taking liberty with you. He is totally out of order to be beating you as A 21-year-old young woman. How could he claim to be a Christian and to be physically abusing you? He has passed his place. He has no right to tell you that the man you love is too black. He is ignorant and uninformed. If you want to be involved with a man who is very black, that is not his business. It is your choice.

I would not encourage you to go and live with your boyfriend before both of you get married, but I will encourage you to marry him early if he is willing to do so. I believe that both of you are in love and should definitely tie the knot.

If you are afraid to approach your parents alone about your pregnancy, you should ask the young man to accompany you. I think it is the proper thing to do. They ought to know right away that you are pregnant and the young man should stand up for you and be a responsible person. And if your stepfather threatens to hit you or anything like that, the young man should defend you. 

Pastor

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