Was I wrong to withhold sex?

December 21, 2017

Dear Pastor,
I am having a problem with my ex-boyfriend. I am 19 and still a virgin. Although I am proud of this, I don’t think that he looks at my virginity in the same way that I do.

We were dating for approximately three and a half months. From the beginning, he asked me about sex. I told him that I would only engage in those activities whenever I felt sure that I loved him and that he felt the same.

He decided to stay with me so I assumed that he was willing to wait. He has had a number of sexual partners. 

A few days before we split, he asked me to go to a hotel. I told him no. We saw each other again the same evening and he asked me again.

I didn’t change my mind and so he got upset with me, saying that if I wouldn’t give it to him, we should split. I told him to go on with his life because I would not let him force me.

The problem is that I have been questioning myself. Was I too hard on him? Did I fail to be understanding and see things from his point of view? He is the first guy with whom I felt attached.

Pastor, I know that I am asking an unfair question because the decision is not yours. However, I want the reassurance that my decision was the right one. Please give me your fatherly advice.


Dear L.J.,
Your decision not to have sex before you are married is nothing to be ashamed of. You told the young man that that is your position.

You need not fret over him.

What he is saying is that having sex with you is his number one priority in the relationship and that is the only thing that would have him stay with you.

I cannot say that you were wrong not to yield. You have a right to say no and he should respect your position.

I repeat, you have not done anything wrong. Let this man go his way and pray that God will lead you to another man who will love and respect you.

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