Dad wants to marry a gold-digger
I am a regular reader of your column. I don't know if you have ever handled the type of situation that I am about to tell you about. I am married and my husband loves to listen to you, too.
My father had been living with us since his wife, who is my mother, died. But he has moved out and has gone back to his own house.
We did not want him to leave, but he confided in my husband that he is in love with a woman who is 73 years old, and sometimes he would love to have her in his own place.
My father gave the tenants who were living in his house notice, and so they left. I was upset with him because I am the one who takes care of his business.
He told my husband that sometimes he feels for a woman. He said that as a man, my husband should understand.
He is going to church, so he does not want to have this woman visiting him for any long time. He is thinking about proposing to her, so he wants my husband to talk to me about it.
Pastor, I am very against it. I met the woman. She was married and divorced twice. One of her daughters is living with her and is on drugs, and she plans to live at my father's house if he marries her mother.
When I tried to reason with my father, he told me that he understood, but he doesn't want to be a burden to me and this woman makes him feel as if he is a man. He says that she would stand with him when he gets older.
My husband told me that my father said that he can't do much, but he can do many other things.
My husband is taking this sex thing with my father and the woman as a joke, but he agrees with me that the woman is after my father's house.
Pastor, not even over my dead body is she going to get this house. My father is such a brilliant man, but when it comes to this woman, he is not thinking straight.
Pastor, how can I stop him from marrying this woman? I am writing this letter and tears are coming to my eyes. I still control his finances. His pension and everything else comes to me, but how long is that going to continue? Please, tell me what to do.
I have been getting many of these types of letters. Older men want to get married, but adult children are standing in their way. I hope that you will listen to me.
Your father loves you very much, and you and your husband have tried to make your father happy. He has everything for his comfort at your house.
It does not appear that he is a poor man at all. He is physically fit. Everything is working all right. He has got over the death of your mother.
He is very comfortable at your place, but now he wants to begin another stage of his life.
My dear, this man wants a woman who will rub not only his head, but will rub him all over and also give him the feelings that you as a daughter cannot give.
He might not be making a very intelligent decision, but at his age, you have to just work with him. You have to be careful that you don't say anything negative about the woman who has now become the love of his life.
If you push him too much and oppose him, the good relationship between the two of you will break down, and this woman will take over completely.
So let your husband continue to talk to him, but he must not oppose him. He should only tell him how to protect himself and his family if he intends to marry this woman.
For example, he should tell him that he ought to go and see a lawyer, and your husband may even offer to accompany him.
Make sure a prenuptial arrangement is drawn up that would protect you, your husband, him, and perhaps his grandchildren. Allow the man to get married if that is what he wants to do.
You said that this woman was married twice. She might be getting alimony and giving the impression that she is in love with your father.
She may have plans that are not honourable. Let your lawyer deal with this matter. Advise your father in this matter. I hope that he will have many happy years ahead of him.