HIV-positive but keeping the faith
Thank God for this column. I need someone to talk to as a friend, counsellor and a father. I am 40 years old. I met and fell in love with the most wonderful man. I have a child for him.
She is now six years old. I have three other children. I went to do a pap smear and ended up doing some more tests. I found out that I was HIV positive.
When the doctor told me, I was so shocked but I still smiled. I got out of the chair and told her that God is going to deliver me. I called the man because we are not living together and told him the news.
He cried a little and then said sorry. He put his tail between his legs and left. He did not look back at me. I don't know why. I don't have anybody to talk to. I only have my children and my family.
My family was there to comfort me. I told my son's father. He was there for me. I thank God for him. I promised to kill myself but, when I look at my children, I say no.
I started going to church but the feeling kept coming back to me, especially at nights. But, I kept holding on.
Sometimes when I call him, the way how he answers my call, it seems as if I am to be blamed for everything. He doesn't come to the house like he used to.
When I call, he asks about his child. He is a good father. I also pray that God will heal us. I also forgave him and told him so. Am I crazy? I still love him. I really do, and I would want us to be together. Honestly, I do.
A year ago, we started having sex again, but things were not good. It seems as if it is only when he wants sex he talks to me and after that, he goes back to his old self.
It has been a year now since I got baptised. I confessed all my sins to God and this feeling that I have for him has to go in Jesus' name.
Pastor, pray for me, please. I really need your help. I even went and told him that he messed up my life and that I don't have anybody, so he should marry me so that I can be in church and he said no.
I asked him why he wouldn't want to be in my life anymore and he said "things happened." I asked him if he did this to me on purpose and he said no, but life is like that.
Sometimes I feel like I would kill him. I used to go to his house anytime. Now, it seems like I am not welcomed there anymore.
Anytime he tells me not to come to his house, I feel like I am going to do something bad.
Dear HIV Positive,
I believe the Lord has done something in your life that has caused you to forgive this man with whom you had an intimate relationship and by whom you have a six-year-old child.
I am glad that you have decided to serve the Lord and that you got baptised. I am also glad that your relatives and even the father of your other children had stood by you and have helped you.
May I encourage you to read a Psalm or two per day? You would find much comfort in reading Psalms. After you read Psalms, you can read the Book of Proverbs. Or you can alternate.
Reading 'The Bible' will help you to keep your sanity and will give you hope.
Please, follow your doctor's advice. Don't give up. Remember, God is your provider and Sustainer. He will never leave or forsake you.