He wants me to stay at home like furniture

February 01, 2018

Dear Pastor,
I am 23 years old, and I am living with my boyfriend. We have been together for two years. When we started out, everything was exciting. We used to go out together. He took me everywhere. He loves to go to parties. He bought be shorts. No party could miss us. Then all of a sudden he is too busy for us to go out. He wants me to stay in the house like furniture. He stopped coming home early. I have to beg him to have sex with me, and threaten him that I will find another man. Even when I tell him that, it doesn’t seem to bother him much. I only say that to let him know that I am not happy with him anymore.

For a whole year I did not work. It didn’t bother him. Now he is telling me that I must get a job or go back to my grandmother. Even my friends see that I am not very happy again.

I would like to get a baby, but he has three babymothers already, and he told me I should try not to get pregnant. He told me that he is not having sex with any other girl, but I don’t believe him because I found a condom in his pants pocket, and when I asked him who it belongs to, he said it belongs to him but he has it for the both of us to use.

I am trying to get into the HEART programme. He would have to find the money and give me because he is the one who caused me to be living with him. He is taking care of me. I don’t go hungry, but things are not as they used to be.

What do you think is the problem?
L.E,

Dear L.E,
I am sorry to hear that you are very unhappy with your boyfriend. I do not encourage young girls to go and live with men unless they are married. You have been with this man for two years. He is a little tired of you. I know he is because he has suggested that you should go back to your grandmother. I hope he won’t push you out. But at the same time if the relationship is not working, you should leave before he starts to abuse you.

If he could help you go to school, that would be wonderful. You did not say how many subjects you had or what profession you like to pursue. 

One thing I know that you have learnt is that attending parties often is not the answer to your future. You need an education or a skill if you are going to be in a position to support yourself.

Men do not like women who have become a burden to them in today’s world. Men like women who can support themselves. They are the minority who say they don’t want their woman to work, but most men know that with the high cost of living, it is helpful if men have working wives.

I am glad that you are thinking of attending HEART. Check that out as early as possible.

Pastor

 

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