My wife's daughters don't respect me

February 09, 2018

Dear Pastor,

I am writing you this letter with tears in my eyes. I always read your column. It is so interesting. I am 50 years old. I was married, but my wife and I got a divorce and my children moved out.

My ex-wife and I don't even talk to each other. She poisoned my children's minds against me.

I met this other woman; she is five years older than I am. She has two daughters and they have two children each. They don't work; they depend on men to take care of them.

The men come and go as they please. I told my wife that I don't want my house to be used as a whore house. She was upset by what I told her.

Once, she told me that the girls are young, and so they must want men. I told her that I understand, but they should not use the men.

One of the girls moved out, but before she moved, she told me everything that was nasty. Both of the girls were born in the US.

The other one kept the place very untidy and did not cook. She ate fast food every day and when I cooked and left food for my wife, she would go and eat without leaving any for her mother.

I can't take this life anymore, so I told my wife that we should get a divorce. She wants my house. I am too old now to start all over.

I am not going to give up my house. These girls have no respect. I am not even feeling so strong these days.

Counsellor, tell me what I should do. I have lands in Jamaica. I could come back and try to build a house, but I don't want to give up everything that I have earned in the US.

K.L.

Dear K.L.,

I am sorry to know that you are not a happy man. Every man your age should be happy. It's a great disappointment for a man to work very hard and, when he comes to your age, discover that he is about to lose all that he has acquired.

Some men have done crazy things after realising that they are about to lose everything, so don't be tempted to do anything that is illegal.

You got married and you have children, and now they would not even recognise you as their dad. According to you, their mother has turned their minds against you.

I don't doubt that one bit, because many mothers often say very nasty things about fathers and do their very best to have their children hate their fathers.

Perhaps before you became intimately involved with this second woman, you should have checked her background.

When a man marries a woman who has children living with her, he has to realise that the children will not see him as their stepfather and obey him.

They will see themselves as adults who make their own decisions. And I believe that is where you have had problems.

You expected these women to follow your rules, but they were prepared to do their own thing and to live their own lives.

Your wife loves her children more than you, so she is taking their side and would be prepared to throw you out of your own house unless you behave yourself, so to speak.

I urge you therefore to discuss your problems with a lawyer. Please follow their advice, because I am afraid that if you don't, you are likely to lose everything.

Pastor

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