Tempted to kill myself
I just became a teenager, but I know that I have not been a good girl, so I am writing you for your help. People around me consider me to be bad. I have friends, and we all operate in a gang. We stick with each other, but my friends want to give up on me because of the way I am behaving. They have helped me in the past. They are good girls, but now I have found myself in the company of bad boys. They have had sex with me all different types of sex, and sometimes when I am done having these relationships with the guys, I feel weird and tell myself that I should not have done it.
Sometimes I feel like taking my own life, but I really don't want to commit suicide. My girlfriends have been standing with me, but they are tired of my behaviour. I have let them down, and if I do not behave, all of them are going to drop me.
What would people think of me if I took my life? Everyone in my class sees me as a bad girl. Sometimes I cry over my life because I have made myself bad, and I don't want to be bad. If I don't change, I may get myself killed, and I don't want to die before my time. I don't want to harm myself in any way by the life I live. So please, pastor, tell me what to do.
There is hope for you. I know that as a fact. You might not have started out right, but you have come to realise that danger is ahead if you do not change. So, give God thanks that he has brought you to the stage where you see that it's never a good thing for a teenager to be rebellious, rude and out of control, so to speak.
Your girlfriends have spoken to you and have tried to encourage you not to follow the way of destruction, but you have not listened. You have gotten involved with boys, but your way of life has caused you to feel depressed and the temptation to take your own life has laid heavily on your heart. But your life can turn around if you commit your life to God.
I urge you to turn to Christ to seek his deliverance. Read your Bible everyday and pray. Drop all the young people who are wild, so to speak. Do not keep company with persons who break the law and who get involved in illicit sex. Learn to say no to guys who would encourage you to have sex with them. Don't be rebellious to your parents or teachers. You can pray for yourself, but it might be helpful if you ask others to pray for you.
I further suggest that every day you try to read one or two chapters of the Gospel of John. I will be praying for you. Take good care of yourself.