Going crazy over a married woman
I read your column wherever I get the chance, and I see that you give good advice. I am seeking some advice for myself. I am 36, and I am truly in love with a 40-year-old married woman, who is still with her husband and kids. I told myself that I would never fall for a married woman. I even told some of my friends that it was totally wrong to mess around a married woman who is still with husband. But now I have fallen in this situation.
Pastor, I can't stop thinking about this woman, especially if I am alone. Because of this, I try to hang around friends to get peace of mind. I don't feel this type of love for my girlfriend. Anything I do, I keep thinking about this married woman.
I live alone, and whenever I go to see my girlfriend, I have no appetite for her because this married woman is always on my mind. I go as far as kissing her, but nothing more. I am not happy because I can never have this married woman, and I believe what I am doing is wrong. But how can love be wrong?
Dear Mr Unhappy,
You say that this woman is married and living with her husband and kids. Both of you have got sexually involved and you believe that what you are experiencing with this woman is love. How do you know it is love and not lust? Lust is having a sinful desire towards someone else. And love desires the highest good of another person.
Lust says, "this woman is looking so good. She has a good bottom, lovely hips, and good-size breast. I have weak knees whenever I see her. I don't believe I can live without her. I will do anything to get her to go to bed with me. She is taken, but I don't care. I'll take my chances. I can't sleep at night; she is always on my mind." That is lust.
Love says, "I wish to be true to my spouse. I do not wish any harm to come to her or to him. If I have to do something for her, I would do it with a pure heart; expecting nothing in return."
Therefore, having read your letter carefully, I am convinced that you don't love this woman. You are lusting after her, and if you continue with this relationship, you are going to have this woman destroy her marriage life.
You have a girlfriend, and she hasn't done you any wrong. I, therefore, suggest that you stay with her. Talk to her and tell her that you would like for both of you to see a family counsellor. Perhaps there is a reason why this married woman has attracted you so much. Try to figure out what it is. Talk to the counsellor about it. But whatever it is, end the relationship with this married woman.