Found out that my wife has HIV

March 02, 2018

Dear Pastor,

I used to date a woman about six years ago. We have been friends for more than a decade, as both of our families in Jamaica are friendly with each other. I reside in the US, and I would always reconnect with this woman on my annual trips home to Jamaica.

About three years ago she was able to get a US visa, and she started to visit me at my home in the US. Needless to say, we got closer as we were not just seeing each other on my annual trip to Jamaica. Our relationship blossomed. We decided to get serious with each other about two years ago, and this relationship turned into a marriage several months ago.

My wife was pregnant while in the US; however, unfortunately, she had a miscarriage. I was at the hospital with her, and I didn't know of her having any health issues whatsoever.

She visited me in 2017 and stayed for the summer. I was due for a checkup at that time, so we went together. I knew that I was just having sex with her only, so I had no reason to worry. This check-up was just a formality, so I had no problem with checking the lab results in her presence, as she did the same. We both had no issues or STIs.

My wife had the miscarriage shortly before Christmas. She went home to Jamaica for Christmas while recovering. Several weeks later, she went to the doctor for a check-up and she found out that she is HIV-positive. Of course, I am angry, upset and confused. I visited the doctor shortly after January started and then again in February. Both tests confirmed that I am HIV-negative. My wife, who I just got married to, swears up and down that she has had no other lover for the past two years, and I want to believe her. But based on what I know about transmission, I am just not sure.

I am still by her side giving her all the support that I can, through sickness and in health. But, pastor, I am seriously in conflict and I am confused. I saw her test negative with my own eyes approximately one year ago. I didn't give her HIV. She said that she was still recovering from the miscarriage and was unable to have sex. So how on earth can this be possible? She even begun to blame the US-based hospital where she received treatment. However, I have to almost rule that out as a possibility. We've only been married for a few months, and we are really, really happy. I don't know what to do.


Dear H,

This thing needs to be investigated thoroughly. Your wife insisted that she has been faithful to you and you have reasons to believe that she is speaking the truth. You have said that you have been faithful to your wife, so you are deeply puzzled as to how she could be HIV-positive. It seems to me that both of you should not take anything for granted. But both of you should go to see a doctor together and get his/her advice.

This is all I want to say on this matter for the time being. It would not be prudent for either of you to blame each other when you are not sure how your wife became infected.


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