My Jamaican boyfriend is always broke

March 21, 2018

Dear Pastor,

This is the first time I am writing to you. I am having a problem and I hope that you can help me. I am in love with a Jamaican man, but my friends are warning me about them.

I have been reading what other people say about these men, but my man is the best man I have ever had. He is not living very far from me, so I see him regularly. The only fault I find with him is that he never has money.

I like to go out, but whenever I suggest that we go out, he tells me that he does not have any money so I should foot the bill.

I don't mind doing so, but when I tell my girlfriends at work, they say I am stupid. He should pay for the meals or I should find another man.

I don't want to change men often. I have one daughter and she is five, and this man respects her and I trust him around her. I can't trust certain men, so what should I do? Is it wrong for me to earn more money than the man who loves me?

One of my girlfriends only dates married men. She says she gets more money from men who are married. I am Caucasian and my boyfriend is of light complexion but is considered black.

I am also four years older than he is. He doesn't have a problem with that. He is still living with his parents. They are very lovely people.

How do you see this relationship? He sleeps at my house at least once per week. His mother discourages him from doing so.

I would never let him get me pregnant. I don't want to let go because I would love my daughter to grow up with a man in the house, even though this man will not be her biological father.

Please, let me hear from you. As a father, please give me your advice.

D.A.

Dear D.A

You did not say whether this man is working. If he is, he should pay for the meals sometimes. He might not be able to pay all the time, but he should put away a little money every day or every week so that he would be in a position to pay for the meals whenever both of you go out.

You should not agree to pay for the dinner or whatever every time both of you go out. He might not be making much money but he should be making enough to treat you sometimes.

Now let me tell you why you have to be careful with this relationship. If a man cannot pay for dinner for two or three (if your daughter tags along), how would he be able to pay for your utilities such as water and light?

If you don't have your own home and he has to pay rent, how would he manage? If you have your own home and are paying mortgage, how would he do it?

Surely, if both of you were married, you would have all the responsibility and that would not be a healthy relationship. In fact, you would be silly to take on such responsibility.

I cannot advise you to be so anxious in getting married that you fail to think about the responsibilities a man is expected to bear when he gets married.

So, be very careful how you handle this relationship. It is not good enough for a man to say he loves a woman. He ought to be willing to bring something to the table, so to speak.

You need to ask this man how much he earns and how would both of you handle the bills if you were to get married.

Please let me hear from you again.

Pastor.

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