Fed up with my cheating boyfriend

April 04, 2018

Dear Pastor,
I recently start reading your column. I am a 38-year-old, independent, working class woman, and a mother of one.

I was single for eight years. I got involved with someone and the relationship is only 20 months old and it's taking a toll on me negatively.

This man has been lying and cheating on me from the start. I swear I have been nothing but loyal, respectful and honest with this man.

He decided to live with me which was all good and we even had plans to buy a car to do our own business.

One day I wanted a call and decided to use his phone and there were messages from some women and when I confronted him, he admitted that they were involved and it's over, so I should give him a chance.

Pastor, I have been nothing but a fool because this woman put a picture of both of them on her WhatsApp display picture.

I brought it to his attention and I accepted that this woman just wanted to get at us but I am seeing where he is still reaching out to this girl.

To make matters worse, there is another woman who he calls often in the days when I am at work.

One night he came home and was using the bathroom. The phone rang and I answered and recognised that the caller is the second woman.

He told her that he was home and she should wait until tomorrow and she kept calling and texting the phone continuously. All of a sudden, he started to sleep out at least four times per week and lied when he got home in the early mornings.

During this ordeal, I found out that I was pregnant and I stayed with him because I didn't want to be a single mom again, but miraculously I had a miscarriage and even when I was being taken to the hospital in the wee hours of the morning, he wasn't there to take me.

Pastor, we talked about his behaviour and this week it seems he is making a change and the next week he does the same thing again.

Each time he tells me that he loves me and that I am the one that he wants to settle with. I am so used to his behaviour and lies that I just laugh to myself.

He says he wants to see a counsellor but I don't care to see or hear one. Every time I decide to end this relationship he plays the victim.

For the first time, I feel a sense of relief inside because I have convinced myself to walk away from this manipulator and go back to the days when it was me and my child.

Pastor, he has hurt me so much that I can't even cry anymore and he blames stress, frustration and me not buying a car for what he does.

I don't have any forgiveness in me for him. He has abused me emotionally and mentally. I just can't take it anymore. Please give me your advice.

Dear T.T.,
Pack this man bag and let him go. He does not spend much time with you, so you won’t miss him. He is a waste of time. Let him go.

This relationship is not working. This man doesn’t want you anymore and neither do you want him, so bring an end to it and do so early.

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