Thinking of marrying a man twice my age

April 10, 2018

Dear Pastor,

I am writing you from cool Mandeville, and I hope that this letter reaches you safely. I have never travelled outside the country, but it is something that I would love to do.

I met someone recently who is living in the US, and he is interested in me. I did not do well in school, but I can read and write well. My father is not dunce.

The man who I met told me that he has his own home in the US, but he is twice my age. I am 30, and he is 60.

He was once married to a woman who was born in Jamaica, but he said that she took up the American way of life. All she ate was fast food, and that is what she bought for the children, too.

The two children are on their own, and he has divorced his wife, so he is looking for another.

My parents are telling me to try my luck with him. My uncle, who is much younger than my father, is living in the same state where this man lives, and he went to check him out.

My uncle says that it is true; he is living alone. But it seems as if he has a female visitor.

I have had a couple of boyfriends, but none of the relationships lasted for any long time. One of them wanted to get me pregnant to prove that I could have a child before he married me.

He made it clear to me that he did not want any 'puss in a bag', so I had sex with him. But he moved the bar higher and wanted me to agree to have a child by him. I told him that I did not want any outside children, so we drifted apart.

I have only had two serious relationships. The love I had for my first boyfriend was never strong, and he was very short, and I prefer taller men. This 60-year-old man has been sending me money although I have never asked him to do so.

He has invited me up to spend a few weeks with him. I discussed it with my parents because I am still living with them, and they say that it is up to me.

I have two drawbacks with this man. One is his age, and the other is that he does not want to have any more children. I am 30, and I would love to have at least one child.

He says that he loves me. I am interested in him, but I can't say that I love him as yet. He has his own home, but he is paying a mortgage. I wonder what to do.

S.J.

Dear S.J.,

You seem to be an intelligent girl, and although you have had a couple of boyfriends, you have been able to keep your feet on the ground, and you have not allowed them to make a total fool of you.

This 60-year-old man wants you to be his wife, but he is not interested in having any more children. You stand a better chance to get this man to change his mind if the relationship develops.

It is likely that he would agree to both of you getting married and working on getting you pregnant.

You are very close to your parents. Don't do anything without them giving you their opinion. You may think that time is running out on you because you are 30 years old, but you are still young. Don't worry about anything. Your uncle has told you that he knows where the man lives and that he is, indeed, single.

I suggest, however, that you do not visit him. When he comes back to Jamaica, he should visit you whenever he can. If both of you can get married, do it here in Jamaica.

Pastor.

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