Dead husband's friend is harassing me

April 19, 2018

Dear Pastor,

I am 53, and I am a widow. My husband died four years ago. Before he died, he told me that I should try to get married again because I have much to offer a man.

After he died, one of his old buddies came around and offered to help me. I didn't like him so much, but I tried to show him that I appreciated him.

My husband left a vehicle, and his friend wanted to just take it over. It is a nice SUV. I told him that I couldn't give him the vehicle to drive just like that.

He accused me of worshipping the vehicle. Then, he wanted to move in with me and my son, but my son objected.

Without my knowledge, my son told him that if he loves me, he has to tell us what he has and where he would put his mother because he would not agree for him to live in his father's house.

He got upset and told me that my son was out of order and that any decision should be made by us.

Although I do not think my son should go behind my back and talk to him that way, I was glad that he knew where my son stood because whenever we talked about our relationship, he was always saying that whatever he has belongs to his children.

My son does not like him. He is very mean. He doesn't contribute to anything; all he wants to know is how much money I have in my account.




My son's name is on my account, and he told me that if we were to get married, I would have to take his name out.

One night when he was here, he wanted to have sex with me, so I tried him out. I didn't enjoy him at all. My mind was on my dead husband.

So, I told him that I wouldn't do it again with him. He has 'taken a set' on me. Whenever he comes here, my son does not talk to him, and I feel so embarrassed.

My son says he is going to tell him not to come back, but I told him not to do so.

Another man who likes me is in farming. The only thing he has asked me for is sex. He has never asked me for money, and he drives a lovely pickup.

My son teases me about him, but he doesn't seem to have any objections. He has a lovely home in the country. He was never married. We have only been friends for a year.

He has not asked me to marry him. I wonder if he has another girlfriend and is hiding it. What do you think?


Dear E.V.,

You are very fortunate to have a son who stands up for you. Your late husband's friend sees you now as someone who is in a position to support yourself and from whom he can get some financial assistance.

He is not a good man. He believes in living off a woman. He wants to know the amount of money you have in your account. He is going too far too soon. If anybody is to drive your husband's vehicle, it's you or your son.

Your son has not done anything wrong by questioning him about the relationship he is having with you and asking him whether he is expecting to live at your house if both of you were to get married.

I would say that your son is a wise young man. You feel embarrassed by the type of conversation your son had with this man. You shouldn't. Your son has the right to try to protect you.

This man might be a wolf in sheep's clothing. Can't you see that he has bad motives? Why would he want your son's name to be removed from your account?

That was enough to tell this man to get lost and not come back to your house. Stop encouraging him to come around. You have a grown son, and he can help you with whatever you need from time to time.

The man who is in farming has a different attitude all together. You seem to like him, and your son likes him. You know what he wants more than any other thing.

You should therefore know how to protect yourself. Time will tell if this man is serious about you and wants to be your husband. I wish you well.


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