Absent babyfather wants DNA test after 11 years

August 20, 2018

Dear Pastor,

I do not live in Jamaica, but I read your column daily. Keep up the great work. I need some advice. When I was 23, I had my son. His father didn't want anything to do with us. My son is the best thing that has happened in my life. Because of him, I graduated from college and was able to establish a great career. During my college years, I met a man and fell in love. The man took the role of my son's father, but was mentally abusive to me. After five years, I left him.

Fast-forward to present day. I am married to a wonderful Jamaican man. His family has accepted my son and I with open arms. We couldn't be happier. The only issue is that my son's biological father wants to be in the picture after being absent for 11 years. He never gave me a dime, not even a diaper. He is messaging me non-stop and demanding a paternity test. There is no denying that the child is his.

I don't want money from this man. I don't want support. I have told him that I don't want anything to do with him. I have been providing an amazing life, filled with love, travel and once-in-a-lifetime experiences for my son. My questions to you are: what should I do about his biological father? Do I tell my son? Do I allow this man to see him?

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

After 11 years, this man has surfaced. He was not in your child's life since he was born. So, the question is, why now? What has caused him to realise that he is the biological father of the child and that he should have played a role in his life since he was born? You are not questioning whether he is the biological father of the child, but what is puzzling to you is, why now?

You are happily married. You have not been asking this man for any support for your son, but suddenly he has been harassing you and now demanding a paternity test. Don't be fooled. This man has reasons for doing so. Perhaps he wants to satisfy himself that he has fathered a son and he wants to claim certain benefits, and he can only do so if he can prove that he is the biological father of that child.

 

FATHER DISAPPEARING

 

I know a man who went to live in North America. He had three daughters in Jamaica. Before he left, he assured the mother of these children that he would support them while he is away. He impressed upon her that it was necessary for him to prove that the children were his, therefore he needed their birth certificates. She gave the three birth certificates to him and he went abroad and she never heard from him. I know the mother of the children and I also know the children. I baptised all of them. Those children now have their own children. They are all grown up and are professionals today. They don't know where their father resides. All they are aware of is that he left for the United States of America.

What I am saying to you is that you cannot tell what the motive of this man is. He is trying to get back into your life, and you should not allow him to harass you and to disturb the good life that you are enjoying with your husband and your son.

You are a married woman, therefore, you should discuss this matter with your husband. Your son doesn't know him. Why should he now be told that this man is insisting that he wants to know whether the child is his? You know what you know. You know you are not giving up your child. You know that you don't have to prove anything, so tell the man to get lost.

If your son should ask you anything about his biological father, you may give him straight answers. But, right now, just enjoy your life with your husband and your son. That is the way I see it. People may disagree with me, but that is just the way I see it.

Pastor

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