Boyfriend sends me to school and buys my uniforms

August 31, 2018

Dear Pastor,

I am 16 years old, and I am writing to you for advice. My boyfriend is 19 years old, and my mother knows him. He helps to send me to school. I just got money from him to purchase my uniform. He is the love of my life. He is living alone, so I spend lots of time with him because my mother doesn't care much about me. I have a younger sister who is 14 years old. My father lives in one of the islands, and he sends money for me whenever he has it.

Pastor, I am very upset with my mother. My boyfriend told me that my mother is always making passes at him. He said he is not that type of guy, but he says that if he wanted my mother, he could get her. I don't doubt him because my aunt told me that my mother likes young guys. After every time I see my boyfriend on weekends, my mother asks me if he didn't give me any money. He gives me money every weekend, but sometimes I have to lie and tell her that he has bills to pay or his rent is due.

The only thing my mother says to me about my boyfriend is that I should be careful not to let him get me pregnant. I have been having sex with my boyfriend for nearly one year. I will be 17 on December 30, and since the time my mother suspected that I was having sex with my boyfriend, she has not bought me even a panty. If it wasn't for my boyfriend, I wouldn't wear any proper underwear.

I only have one challenge. My boyfriend's mother does not like me. Every time she sees us together, she calls me 'little girl'. My boyfriend lied to her and told her that I am 18 years old. One day, she asked me about my true age, and I told her that I was 18. Sometimes I wear a padded bra because I have very small breasts. My small breasts and small body give me away.

Whatever my boyfriend gives me, I take because my mother doesn't care about me. but I would like her to leave my boyfriend alone.

D.R.

Dear D.R.,

Let me tell you the truth, I am glad that you have written. You are 16 years old, and people might see you with this guy and wonder if you are a bad girl. But I do not believe that you are a bad girl. Circumstances have caused you to be intimate with this man. From what you have said, it is almost as if your mother has 'put you out to take man'. She doesn't care at all. And although you are so young, what she wants is for you to bring in money every week.

I don't need to tell you, but I will say it anyway. You have a wicked mother. She is irresponsible. However, I am going to beg you to be very careful. I know that if I were to tell you not to have sex with your boyfriend, you would still have sex with him because both of you have been intimate for some time now. And if you were to tell him that you will no longer have sex, he would to start accusing you of having another man in your life. But, it is still not right for me to give you the impression that it is OK to have sex with him.

Nevertheless, if both of you are determined to carry on in bed, he must protect you from pregnancy, and you must protect yourself, too. You said that your mother has made passes at your boyfriend, it would have been interesting to hear what she did. Why did he believe that she made passes at him? Anyway, your boyfriend does not appear to be a fool. He should know how to interpret her actions towards him. If he is speaking the truth, I hope that he will never yield to your mother.

Now, before I go, I beg of you to try your very best to concentrate on your schoolwork. You have been forced into womanhood at a very early age, but I hope that your boyfriend will encourage you to do well in school. His mother knows what is going on between the both of you, and she is concerned. She knows that you are not 18 years old. You don't have to wear padded bra and dress like a more mature person. Just be yourself, and be careful.

Pastor

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