Cheating lover doesn't know I slept with another man

August 31, 2018

Dear Pastor,

I am not feeling my relationship anymore, and it's hard to trust my boyfriend and to love him as before. The reason being, I left the island and came back to find out that my boyfriend cheated on me with his so-called close friend. From that day, it's as if something inside of me is telling me that there is no sense in being loyal to him. He claimed that they only kissed and touched each other, but I refuse to believe that is what only transpired between them, because he confessed that they have had sex before he met me.

He sent photographs and messages to her while I was away and while I was in Jamaica. And I even saw in his phone that he told her that he didn't love me. He calls her 'wife', and even told her that he wants them to move in together.

Pastor, I was so hurt when I confronted him, he said words means nothing; and he cried and said I'm the first girl he is crying to, and that means he really loves me.

He was at my house when I found out what he did. I told him to leave, and he said that if he did, it would be for good. I was upset, hurt and angry. I started to cry because I've gone through this sort of thing before, and he knows my fears. To cut a long story short, I asked him for space, and he refused to give me space. I told him to stop seeing this girl, and he told me he would, but he has not. I still see the both of them together.

He keeps apologising, but I'm at a point where I'm done taking his crap. I tried three times to break up with him to no avail, because I'm at a point where I will just hurt him. In revenge, I started to text my ex who I broke up with a year ago because we couldn't see eye to eye, and we ended up having sex. I know it was wrong, but I felt no remorse, and I don't know why; maybe I'm just numb. My ex wants to marry me, but I'm not in love with him. I have love for my present boyfriend, but every day I question the type of love I have for him.

 

WE ARGUE A LOT

 

He found out that I'm messaging my ex, and he accuses me all the time. We argue a lot, but he doesn't know what I did, and I just don't know what to do. I told him to go and be with the girl he had sex with, and leave me alone. He claims that he doesn't want her, and if we break up for good, he will stay to himself.

Pastor, I cannot forgive or forget his betrayal. My ex-boyfriend is good in bed. When I have sex with my present boyfriend it hurts. I just want to be free from my present boyfriend and just do what I want to do because I cannot trust him; and I will continue to hurt him because he refuses to leave the other girl.

I am looking for your input, pastor. Thank you.

J.L.

Dear J.L.,

Your present boyfriend is not prepared to leave the other girl he has been encouraging to come and live with him. The truth is, he wants the both of you. He is the type of guy who takes great pleasure in knowing that two women are in love with him and he can have sex with both of them anytime he feels for sex.

You are a smart girl. You write as an intelligent, young woman, but you are deeply hurt because of what this man has done. He gave you the impression that he loves you much more than the other girl, but he lied to you. And you ought not to be moved by his tears. His tears mean nothing. On the other hand, you are only hurting yourself trying to hit back at him by having sex with the man you described as your ex.

What you need to do is to drop both of these men, and by dropping them you would feel much better, because right now you are making yourself cheap. If you continue to go to bed with these men, one of them may wilfully get you pregnant, unless of course, you are on the pill or you are using some other form of protection. And they will laugh at you. Ask the Good Lord to help you to stand your ground and not to yield to the temptation to continue with any of them.

You do not know what this wicked man is telling the other girl about you. You shouldn't trust him. The other girl might be just laughing at you. So, do not give him another chance in your life. Whatever he has at your house, return them to him. Keep your doors locked and don't text him or answer the phone when he calls you.

Pastor

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