Backing down from self-pleasure

September 10, 2018
Distressed

Dear Pastor,

I have read your response to my porn and masturbation addiction and I would like to say that your advice has helped me somewhat. I have decreased my viewing of pornographic material for almost two weeks and I have not masturbated since then.

Though I still view these materials, I have not yielded to the temptation. I started reading my Bible more often than usual. I try to dedicate at least 30 minutes to meditation or Bible reading each day.

I must say that one piece of advice you have given me, I attempted. However, it does not fall within my personality or demeanour, and that is to engage in some form of sport. I do a sport at school, but I am not necessarily an outgoing individual and prefer not to be. Considering that the reason for my ongoing unhappiness is due to the fact of not having any soul mate, I am in the process of trying to win a girl's heart, but another rejection is now haunting my mind.

In regard to my college education, I am very confident that I will be successful in acquiring my bachelor's degree and I am really looking forward to be somewhere two years from now, and not still living at my parents' home.

I am a very affectionate individual, to the point that women would definitely find me overbearing if they knew this about me. The thing is not that I just want a woman for sex only, but it just would be nice to have someone to cuddle with. Pastor, I have two mothers (father figure is not absent though, but not as impactful on my upbringing as compared to my two mothers. I am not saying I do not appreciate my father, though; he is still better than most and I am glad that I have one and to know him).

I was raised in a very loving environment ever since I have come to know myself up until the present. I was always showered with love and attention, to the point that I would rather not have them do this to me anymore, and I would love to be able to reciprocate this loving sentiment with a significant other. I fear, however, that just as I got tired of my two mothers showing me love and attention, the girl I seek would probably do the same, and others to come, if she rejects me.

By the way, the two mothers that I refer to are my biological mother and an aunt. And, also, I have just resumed going to church since a very long, long time (years). So in conclusion, pastor, the problems I have is whether or not I am 'too much' where showing love is concerned and my pursuit for love. I look forward to your earliest reply. Thank you for your previous response, and thank you for your reply in advance.

F.P.

Dear F.P.,

I am glad that you are trying your very best not to rely on pornographic materials to make you feel comfortable and to make you relax. I am also happy that you are trying your best to control your intense desire to masturbate. I believe that you mean well. And many of the things that you are tempted do and indeed practice, I want you to know that all normal men face such temptations.

Some people who read your letter would say that you are spoiled. You have had so much love from your mother and aunt that you don't know how to handle it. The love has been overwhelming.

You will have to undergo therapy because you may expect any young women with whom you develop a relationship to mother you as they have done. But the relationship that you had with your mother and aunt will not be the same with a girlfriend. She might expect you to stand as a man and behave as a man, to lead and not to be led.

Women expect men to reason with them and in their heart, they expect men to take control at all times. Even when women may think that their men are a little too harsh, they would admit that they hate a man who behaves as a 'sissy'.

You have a long way to g,o but continue to do your best. Don't believe that you cannot get a good woman in your life; you can if you take a positive attitude.

Pastor

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