Should I marry my dead husband's friend?

November 05, 2018

Dear Pastor,

I am 52 and I don’t have much of a family. I have one sister and we do not get along. She is miserable and selfish.

We hardly talk to each other. After my husband died I was living alone. My sister’s husband came to see me one weekend and he asked me for sex and I told him he was out of order.

I told my sister about it and when she asked him, he said that I am a wicked woman and I want to break them up and that is why I told her that. He said that I offered myself to him.

My husband and I did not have children. We worked hard and we built ourselves a three-bedroom house. I took a girl to live with me but she became out of order so I sent her back to her parents.

At 16, all she was interested in was men. She did not even want to go to church and I am a church person.

Pastor, a lonely life is not good and that is why I am writing to you because my husband had a friend and he became my friend too. He is 60 years old.

His wife has died. He is a respectable man and he is living in the US. He has one son. This man wants to marry me. I did not know that I could feel love for another man apart from my husband. But I am feeling it for this man.

He came to Jamaica and stayed with me and we had a good time together. I do not want to live in the US. I can’t deal with the cold and he is in New York.

He said that I don’t have to live up there but we can still get married because in three years, he is planning to retire and he will come to live in Jamaica.

He has a house in Jamaica that needs some repairs. When he comes to Jamaica we would have to make up our minds where we would live. I love my house.

He can come here to live with me and rent out his. I don’t want him to come back here and spend a long period without us getting married because people will talk. I would like you to marry us.
Pastor, what do you think?

Dear D.P,
It is unfortunate that your sister believes that you were telling lies about her husband and as a result the good relationship that both of you should have is destroyed.

You should try not to be bothered about that. However if your sister believes that you are lying, there is nothing you can do about it.

Concerning the relationship with this man who lives in New York, both of you seem to be in love with each other and believed that the love is strong enough for both of you to get married.

I would say to both of you, go for it. You have known this man for a long time. He was a friend of your husband and he has been a gentleman. You are not in love with him because of money.

You are comfortable with what you earn. You can live without this man’s money but you believe that you need him and he believes that he needs you.

You have made it very clear that you do not want to live in the US and he understands that. He is quite willing to return to Jamaica to live after his retirement.
I would be quite willing to officiate at your wedding at the appropriate time. Be sure to keep me informed for the special day.


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