I want a man with a big 'bamboo'


January 02, 2019

Dear Pastor,

I am a regular reader of your column. It was introduced to me by my boyfriend when I came to visit him about a year ago. I am not a Jamaican, but my sister married a Jamaican man and our grandparents were Jamaicans. I told my friends that I was coming to visit my boyfriend in Jamaica. Some of them said that I was crazy. They told me Jamaican men are rough and they don't treat women well. I know that to be untrue because I have had boyfriends who were not Jamaicans, and they were very unkind. They would use expletives and always threatening me.

My sister's husband, who is Jamaican, does everything for her. Sometimes he allows her to stay in bed, and he would make breakfast for the two children and even clean the house and put clothes in the washing machine.

The only concern I have with my boyfriend is that he is just a little bit too small for me. My sister told me that she doesn't have any problem in that area, and she laughs at me because she says that Jamaican men are known for the big 'bamboo'.

I spoke to my boyfriend about that, and he turned it around and said it is not that he is small, perhaps it is because I am big. Since he said that to me, I have never commented on his size again. I want to marry this man, but I am nervous. He paid my ticket to Jamaica. I only bought gifts for him and his

family. He paid for the hotel we stayed at and everything. He wants us to get married very soon. I don't know what to do.

I have a friend in America. I have gone out with him, and it is resting on my mind. I want to tell him that it is over between us. He is not as kind as the Jamaican guy. When it comes to lovemaking, I don't have any problem with him. He is a party animal. He likes to party a lot and going to go-go clubs and see exotic dancers.

Please, help me to make the right decision.


Dear S.F.,

Your sister knows that the bad name that some people give Jamaican men cannot always stand scrutiny. Some people don't like Jamaican men, and so they say bad things about them. While some say bad things about Jamaican men, others are eager to establish relationships with them. Your brother-in-law is very helpful. He assists in doing household chores, and he helps to take care of his children. He does not rely on his wife to do everything, and it is for that reason why so many women from North America try to get Jamaican men, especially those who can cook.

I sense that you are a little confused, because while you met this Jamaican man and you have a relationship with him, you are trying to hold on to the man in America because you have your doubts about this Jamaican man. But the doubts are not whether he would be faithful to you, but whether you would be faithful to him.

The man in North America seem to be able to hit the spot, but the one who is in Jamaica is swimming around, not because he wants to, but because you are comparing him with the American guy. This is the real issue you are having. You know that the Jamaican man is loving and caring, but you want more than that.

I would say to you now, do not try to play smart. Don't fool this Jamaican man. It is wrong for you to allow him to be spending his money on you, hoping that you would marry him, and after he has spent his money, you marry another man.

Whenever you come back to Jamaica, I suggest that both of you make an appointment to see a family counsellor and put everything on the table for discussion. Jamaican men can be loving, but they don't like women who try to make a fool of them. I will say no more.


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