My wife is sleeping with her former student


January 07, 2019

Dear Pastor,

I am a 60-year-old man. I was married, but I was diagnosed with prostate cancer. I am trying my best to cope, but my wife is having a relationship with a young man she taught in school. This young man used to come to our house, and I thought nothing of it because students are sometimes very close to their teachers.

It came to the point where whenever she wanted to go anywhere and I could not take her because of my illness, she would suggest that I ask the young man to do so.

Pastor, I did not think it strange at all. One evening he took her to a function, and they came back late. The function started at 6 p.m., and up to 11:30 p.m. I did not see my wife. I tried to call her, but her phone was off. When she got home, we had a fuss over the matter, and she told me that I should stop watching her. I was so surprised. I don't know for sure, but from what I see, this is a relationship that has developed since I have become ill. I told her the young man should not come back to my house, and she has told me some disgraceful words, including saying that I can't satisfy her.

She started to go out without saying where she was going, and I suspected that she was going to meet the young man. She is still living in the house, but we are separated. I would like to know what to do.

Initials Withheld.

Dear .....,

You did not give the age of your wife, but I am assuming that she is much younger that you. I hope that you are following your doctor's advice and that you will overcome your problem. Men have been healed from prostate cancer. You did not state at what stage your cancer is at the moment. It seems to me also that your wife has lost respect for you. Whether she believes that you are miserable, overly jealous or you do not trust her, she has no right to curse you and to be walking in and out without advising you where she was going.

When this young man took her to the function with your permission, so to speak, and she returned very late, you had a right to ask why she returned so late. Any married man would ask his wife what happened. That was not an unreasonable question.

On the other hand, no woman wants to know that she is not guilty of doing anything wrong, but her husband is accusing her of infidelity. Your wife is giving the impression that she is doing something wrong by cursing you and by going out without informing you of where she is going. That is very sad. It is like telling you that she can do whatever she pleases because she is a grown woman.

Some may say that you should not stop the young man from coming to the house, but you came to the place where you were suspicious of your wife and him. And because of your wife's reaction, you took that position.

I am sure that what your wife is doing is affecting you emotionally and psychological. I am not here accusing her of having an intimate relationship with the young man. You have accused her, and if she is not guilty, she is overreacting. Therefore, both of you should seek counselling. Call a family counsellor and set up an appointment with him if your wife is in agreement for both of you to seek professional help. I wish you well.


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