Boyfriend doesn't want me to spend when we go out


January 08, 2019

Dear Pastor,

I am 18 years old, and I have a boyfriend who is very jealous and likes things done his way. I don't really have a problem with it per se, but I am not a full-blown submissive person as he would like. I always like doing things my way. He's also 18 but a freshman in college.

So far, the relationship is going great. He treats me well. He always tries to spend, his money when we go out, but I don't like it. Sometimes I want to spend too. Do you think I am an idiot for not enjoying this treatment?

He told me that I had attachment issues because I don't like being physical in public, and that I don't show as much emotions as he would like me to. To be honest, I agree with him. I am not the clingy type, neither am I the lovey-dovey type. All in all, I am a distant person.

There's also another problem, pastor. I am the one at fault here. I don't see a future with him, but I love him. I am confused. How can I love someone but not see a future with them. And to make matters worse, I constantly think about being single. But how can I just go up to him and tell him that? We have been together for five months now. It's like one moment I am all in for the future, and the next, when I am alone, my mind just roams and I just want something totally different.

I will start university in September, and I don't see myself having a boyfriend throughout those years. I am planning to migrate after university. Sometimes he seems to want the same thing, and then he doesn't. He always points out how excited I get when we talk about migrating. We even picked out baby names already. Do you think we are too serious, or possibly moving too fast?


Dear T.T.,

I believe that you mean well. You like this young man, but you are not really in love with him. I would suggest that you go easy with this man. Go on dates, but no further until you find that your love has grown. If this man wants to spend his money to pay for the dinners, etc, let him do so. However, there are times when you should invite him out. And whenever you invite him, you should pay the bills.

Although you are 18, you are still struggling to understand matters of the heart. Don't push yourself to try to love this man. Love does not go like that. You should take time to know this man, and this man should take time to know you. When a man or woman is truly in love, they will know it, and right now you are not in love. You only like this guy. Leave it like that.


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