Boyfriend tried to rape me


January 10, 2019

Dear Pastor,

I have been reading your column since I was in high school. Now, I am in my last year in university and I am still reading it and taking your advice.

Sometimes you are so sharp, but when I think of it, I like the way you answer because you are straightforward and nobody can say that they didn't understand what you wrote.

I am a Christian, but my boyfriend is not. I am from more of a middle-class family. His parents are very poor. My parents welcomed him when I took him and introduced him to them for the first time.

My mother questioned me about him later, but my father said that he can't choose for me but I should know what I am doing.


I have two brothers and two sisters. One of my sisters is married. My brothers are not married. One of my sisters holds a good bank position.

I know she is dating a guy who works with her in the bank and she would like to get married. He told her that he is not in this church business.

She told him that they have to part, but he is not leaving her alone. I know that they are sleeping together.

One day, I caught my sister crying, and when I asked her why, she told me that her wicked boyfriend cheated on her and she doesn't know what to do.

I don't have to cheat on my boyfriend because we have never had sex.

Pastor, if a guy says that he is not in this church business, what would you understand by that? When she pressed him to tell her what he meant by that, he said she should not expect him to go to church with her.

I would like to have my husband go to church with me and for us to have children, and I would like to see my children grow up in church.

This man who said he loves me smokes and drinks.

I had to fight my boyfriend off last October. It was on my birthday and he took me out. When we left the restaurant, he said it was too early to drop me home so he took me to his place.

When I went, he took off his pants and said he had been waiting too long to have sex with me. I told him I was not ready and we had a struggle.

I used my fingers with long nails and scratched his face; it was bleeding and he rushed to the bathroom. I felt sorry for what I did so I apologised.

I started to cry, but I could not believe that he would try to rape me. Every day he looks at his face and he sees the marks, he tells me that he would get back at me one way or the other. I have not gone out with him since.

What do you think I should do?


Dear R.M.,

I would suggest that you end the relationship with this young man who attempted to rape you. I know you have come to realise that it was a mistake to go to his house after he took you out for your birthday.

But, a guy should understand that when a girl says no, she means no. It is true that on rare occasions some girls may mean yes when they say no. But no man should take no as yes.

You marked his face. He caused that upon himself. It must have been an embarrassment for him. This man is not interested in church, so you should know that he is a wrong man to date.

You are a Christian. You should continue to serve the Lord and wait upon him for a good man. Your sister should do the same.

It is said "If you lie down with dogs, you will get up with fleas". This man has said enough and done enough to make you aware that he is not the right man for you.


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