My man is a waste of time


January 14, 2019

Dear Pastor,

I am writing to you because I am in deep depression. I am 21 years old, and I am working towards my future. I have a boyfriend who is in his early 20s as well. Our relationship is not yet a year old. He expresses his love to me in a way that gets me very scared. He sometimes will say that I am his world and if I leave him, he doesn't know what he will do and might do something crazy.

Pastor, we barely see each other. He lives with a family member, and I hate to go there. I live in a rented house, and my space is not enough for my boyfriend to come here, which he understands at times, he will nag me about it.

I recently lost a loved one, and that took a toll on me as well. My boyfriend has always wanted a baby with me. I told him that neither of us are not ready for a child. He keeps telling me that I am at the right age to have a child so that whenever the child gets old, I will not be so old. However, we had sex and he didn't have any condoms. He told me that he would pull out, so I agreed to have sex with him. He actually ejaculated inside of me and told me that he was sorry.


For weeks, he has been nagging me, telling me that he is 100 per cent sure that I am pregnant and that I must not kill his baby. I told him I am not pregnant. He thinks I am lying. He nags my phone 24/7. He doesn't act like he is grown. Whenever we talk over the phone, he will ask questions that he has already asked, and that gets me upset because it is like he doesn't listen.

He also wants to move out of the house he is in and rent a place. He asked me to come live with him. I told him no, and he asked why. I told him that I don't want to live with any man as yet. He is not happy about that, and it seems as if he no longer wants to move from his family place.

I don't ask him for favours because he is not financially stable. I don't feel this relationship anymore, and it's draining my energy. I try to tell him that I am not into the relationship anymore, but he always brings up what is he going to tell his friends and family and what he will do if I leave.

Pastor, I believe that a person is a whole person, needing no one to complete them. He needs to be the whole person, needing no recognition. I don't think he is a whole person, which is a deficit. Sometimes I wonder if he is always this emotional in all his relationships. We don't do anything whatsoever together except meet and greet and sometimes spend a little time around each other. Sometimes he says things that make me think he is not fully grown. Sometimes he is like, "I can't believe you don't call me from morning, I can't believe my mother has not called." He is not whole. He still acts like a child. He is very emotional and that is what I don't like. I just want him to focus on himself and rebuild his strength.

I have told him that he needs to stop asking me questions that he has already asked. I am tired of the relationship, Pastor. Sometimes it doesn't make any sense and I don't know what to do. In this new year, I just want to deepen my relationship with God. I just want my focus to be on God. Please, give me your advice. I have written to you before and you helped me a lot. I need your advice on this relationship. Tell me what you think. Please respond.

Initials Withheld

Dear ......,

You have come to realise that this man is a waste of time. You should tell him that you want to end the relationship, and that you want to give him time to grow up. He may fuss about what you say, but you should stand firm. I agree with you. He is not mature. Assure him of your prayers and move on.


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