Fighting the urge to be gay
I am a 27-year-old male, who has been struggling with homosexuality. I was sexually abused by my cousin when I was about 10 years of age, and I didn’t know that it would affect my life so badly. I was only abused one time, and that memory has remained with me for years until I started thinking that maybe it wasn’t a bad thing to have feelings for a male. So, I accepted it although in my subconscious mind I knew it was wrong.
When I was 14 years old, I got saved and I started learning the ways of God. I was never involved sexually, but the feeling towards the same sex was still there; it never left me. Right throughout high school, I battled with it, but I just never yield to it.
When I became 21, the feelings got stronger as I was more exposed to the world, and as a young adult, sexual feelings became more frequent than ever. Being an attractive person, it was a challenge keeping men away from me. I tried hard to run, but everywhere I turned and every male I thought just wanted friendship with me, it turned out that the person was sexually attracted to me all along. But I ran away from that life because I didn’t want that kind of life.
It so happened that I lost my job, and I wanted to start university. But there was no money to start and I got very depressed about it, until I met this man who I thought would be like a brother that I didn’t have. He was very kind to me and knew of my struggles and wanted to help me. But I didn’t realise it was a trap. I didn’t accept the help, but further down the road, I ended up having relationship with a guy. Since then, it has been a big struggle. I am so depressed about the life I’ve lived, sleeping around and being in different relationships.
However, I've broken off that lifestyle. It’s going three years now since I’ve stopped and recommitted my life to God, but I’m still struggling with the feelings of going back and I don’t want to go back.
Pastor, please help me. I don’t want to go back to that life. I really need your prayers and possibly your help.
I can honestly promise that I will pray for you. You said that you have recommitted your life to God and for the past three years, you have not had sex with a man. You have learnt to fully trust God to help you to overcome the desire to be in a sexual relationship with the same sex. If God can help you not to have sexual intercourse with a man for three years, he is able to keep you for many years ahead.
There’s is nothing impossible with God. Make sure you spend time in Bible reading and prayer. And don’t allow men to use you. So, my prayers are with you, and I ask others who read your letter to bear you up in their prayers also.